I agree with you that the things you've described are sins and that MLC is self-destructive and that tearing apart a relatively healthy family is selfish (and maybe even evil!!!), but I didn't have control over what my husband thought. And trying to tell him what was good or bad only seemed to make him more determined to think differently than me.
Also, I needed to come to terms with the fact he was completely set on leaving ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN and I needed to make peace with that (for my own healing). Being in divorce with someone who has finally decided to "get off the fence" and finally leave doesn't give you much options. During prior separations (My husband was in MLC for about 3 or 4 years before the divorce), I didn't have this attitude and hadn't detached. I'd make promises of changing, would make those changes and basically tried to be exactly what he wanted. It was like constantly walking on eggshells!!! Anyhow, I had no choice but to let go... and even if what he did hurt a lot of people I believed in my marriage vows, I never stopped loving my husband so I chose to support him in whatever decision he made (even if I disagreed.I did share my personal thoughts... just never hit him over the head with it or tried to make him feel bad or guilty... I knew he was basically good and would eventually come to that on his own... someday!). I even chose to be his friend. In doing so I KNEW he'd probably never find someone who loved him more. To love unconditionally and without any demands or expectations...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
