LL - been reading and see that you are going through a very rough patch right now. First, some cyberhugs coming your way:
((((((((((LostLove))))))))))
You floated the idea of possibly getting a part time evening job. Is there something that you can do during the day if you could find appropriate daycare? Work for a non-profit, etc.? Another idea may be to take some correspondence / web based courses that a local university or community college might offer. I'm just throwing out ideas to get those "little grey cells" working...
I empathize with your concerning having to hold back - worrying about being vulnerable to an affair - because I deal with those every day. To touch passionately, to kiss passionately ... I feel sad just thinking about it. But would that be the right thing? Not in my case - I love my W and kids too much to put them through it. But I also don't remember anything in my wedding vows that I would agree to live a life of celibacy, either. Gee - what would our spouses do if they thought that we were attractive to others? Blow their fuses, I dare say...
Well - I hold out hope that the new year will be a heck of a lot better in terms of my relationship with W. I hope that it does with your H as well...
P.S.: Saw that you sent yourself some flowers. Are you going to put those somewhere that H can't help but notice? As for going out this evening - is there a coffeehouse or bookstore that you could "hide out" at for a couple of hours?
But would that be the right thing? Not in my case - I love my W and kids too much to put them through it. But I also don't remember anything in my wedding vows that I would agree to live a life of celibacy, either. Gee - what would our spouses do if they thought that we were attractive to others? Blow their fuses, I dare say... 
