Since my H's return in May, he has been struggling with feeling pulled away to OW. She filled a void in his life, right or wrong, so for him it is difficult to give up what he thought he had.
He said when he withdrawals, that's what he's thinking about. He said that he feels like he spends the weekends wondering when we can have sex, and he thinks I spend the weekend thinking how can I avoid sex. Only the weekends? If he is a little like me, it is most of the day.
I opened up to him as well and told him that I am interested in sex, but that I don't like him to just pounce on me. So tell him what makes you tick.
There was a book discussed her "Peace Between the Sheets" (PBTS) more about holding and petting than intercourse. It sounds like he could benefit if he read the book. Some extreme PBTS die-hards have penetration, but reframe from orgasms. That radical part I don't endorse.
My question is this... does his interest in sex seem over the top or is this typical of a guy's view of sex? Just from my POV, if I am only having 20% of the sex I want and it is only 20% as emotionally connecting, exciting, or as active as I really would like, it becomes a big issue for me, mentally.
My W's thinks I want to have sex everyday or twice a day. I said yes, to fill a void I currently feel but a week or two of good sex will settle into a pattern where 2X a week might be enough to keep me minimally happy. That is just my thoughts about me and my situation, with monthly or 2X monthly sex, where I know my W really isn't interested or sexually aroused.
I will give her credit for offering to accommodate me at times to what I feel are some of my needs. I do things for her she tells me she likes, even though I don't get much out of it, other than I know she likes it. Most of the times, it makes me feel good giving.
he does look at porn Before the sex went down hill or did this start after the sex life went down hill?
Porn is one way to sooth depression, create excitement. It is one way to fill a need that doesn't get met IRL. Sometimes it is curiosity driven. Sometimes porn is a place to play in fantasyland.
Even though porn bothers you, don't diminish your self worth by comparing yourself to some porn image. You are real 24/7; most likely they are acting for a few minuets.
