I don't know what I am supposed to do....
I just got the phone bill and saw a call to ow's house at 9:15 on nov 7 so I look at the calendar...a thurs night...look back over my threads to see what I was doing that night if it was me that called her or something and discover that I was out with my friends that night....

the last call that I found h made to her was on a mon night at the end of oct...supposedly to tell her they wouldn't be talking anymore...so why this thurs night call and why an hour long...

so you can bet I called h to confront him...gee I don't know why would I be so stupid to call her from there if it was something to hide...it was over a month ago...I'm sure it was to talk about not contacting eachother...I don't know what to think or feel...h gets so angry at me for getting upset...keeps throwing this damn board in my face..says it's the reason I get so upset...what am I dumb I can't think for myself...h was not very comforting...won't go to counceling..wont tell me about this woman and their r...what it was...what she was...what things he is missing from me that he got from her....

he is not ready...

thinks he has told me the whats and whys but honestly all I've gotten is that he was never in love with me...loves me...and the kids...fell in love with her....never knew it could be that way...but because he loves me and the kids can't be with her....the best he can say to argue that point is I'm home aren't I?? so what he was home while he was seeing her too..

I am sorry that I feel and that I want a feeling marriage..I am sorry that I am scared for my children that this will not change...I am sorry that I am hurt...I am sorry that I get upset...I am sorry for the whole mess...

I suppose I have to just be sorry to myself and give h the happy act and suck it up...is it fair...no way!!!

LL
who will still go out tonight with her friend and have a good time even though her h is now pissed and didn't want to come up here tonight (told him he had to come watch the kids) ll who may still be going to get a tree tommorow as h has a habit of just acting "as if" h is a much better dbr than I could dream to be and he never read the books.

ll who just wants to put all this behind her but doesn't really know how.