Hello LL - wow you have a lot of anger about your H's lack of attention to your needs! And no surprise.
But how is he to know these things trouble you, unless you find the way to tell him? when you put yourself in his shoes (& I bet you do) you see him working hard to physically provide for his family. That's great, but he needs to also allow for other needs too, otherwise it doesnt take a crystal ball to see there are going to be mighty fireworks one day soon!
Ive read your thread, but cant pick up whether you are in MC, but I am guessing not. Seems to me it would be a very good idea for you to sit down and think CLEARLY about what you need. Then, when you are feeling clear and strong, ask for talk-time. It can be done, without blame and stuff.
Your need for time/space doesnt have to mean his freedom curtailed - its a matter of priorities for you both. If you both need to go out in the evening, its babysitters - & you need to agree how you manage who takes responsibility for arrangements.
You know all this, LL, somewhere. In your desire to carefully DB and not dump on him, sounds as if you are getting nervous of expressing YOUR needs. The two are not exclusive - but part of same solution-based approach to our Ms.
And - oh, this wont help I know - but speaking as a 51 year old whose 'babies' are now 23, 21 & 19 - believe me, those years at home with them are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO precious - and SO short! I cant wait for my beloved babies to start having babies of their own, so I can play with them!!
