I think I belong here.

[peaceful_spirit]

Thanks NJ for your kind words. Thanks everybody for chiming in.

The viewpoint in the MCL boards is that MLC is depression that goes in stages. The MLC almost always involves an affair. It often involves touch and goes. While in MLC, the H or W does what's best for themselves so that they can avoid feeling pain of any kind. It is a dark, desperate struggle for the MLCer who is trying to navigave his/her way through the crisis. THey hurt the ones who love them and they cause destruction in their path of finding "happiness".

As far as the advice that's given, it's more about working on yourself and not "waiting" for your spouse to return. There is a lot of support and encouragement for becoming a whole person while the MLCer spins out of control on their own. As far as standing for the M, some do and some don't. It all comes down to what each individual is willing to tolerate and the progress the LBS sees in the WAS as they navigate through the "tunnel" as we call it in MLC.

As far as myself, I have been on this journey for the past year. I am a completely different person today than I was a year ago. I am a confident and whole person. I am now at a place where I am willing to see if H can work through some of his problems and if we can work through our problems with the M together. If not, then I'm okay with that, too. As far as his coming and going, it is something that does tend to happen to someone in MLC. It doesn't excuse it. In fact, I don't even use the MLC term very often. But it does tend to happen with these guys (and gals).

I am looking at my H who is trying to fix what is wrong with him and who wants his family back but is struggling with how. My H for the first time in his life is in therapy and examining who he is and what kind of person he wants to be. It sounds as though I am allowing him to come and go as he pleases. I am not. It is much more complex and involved in that, as with each return, H takes another step closer to self-realization and completeness. I do not allow cake-eating. It's hard to explain in just a few short posts becuase it's been a year of H and both working through our own process.

I can't say whether or not my M will survive. I honestly don't know. But I do know that I want to do my part to make it survive, as long as I see my H doing his part to make it survive.