no complaints here. things are going well. last night was sun and though h went to the game and then watched a later game at a friends....he still came HOME!!! even though it was past midnight. (fyi, sundays have been an issue for me cause h was still staying at his appartment on those nights)
I have a c appointment tonight and honestly I don't know what to talk about...I know the c will ask when will h be moving home, when will h be joining for a session, when will h and i be putting rings back on etc... I don't have answers to these questions...things are moving along at a pace that h and I are comfortable with. We are getting stronger and stronger as a couple day by day. h is learning my needs and I am learning his..it takes work but is alot easier as time goes by...learning to ask for what you want and actually getting it is amazing. I feel great times ahead for this family!!! LL
Congrats on another step, LL! I think you could teach your C about patience. Come to think of it, you probably know more about patience than most people on the planet!
rjj
p.s. I cannot tell you how much your post to me (the one about my bubble pond) has meant to me - I must have gone back and read that a hundred times, usually in tears, but tonight smiling. I am letting him take his journey. Thanks so much! xo
Quoting lostlove: I feel great times ahead for this family!!!
Thanks again for encouraging words. Really glad of the directions you and your H are going. It is wise to pace yourselves and adjust expectations accordingly for the long way home. Something for us to aspire to.
thanks once again to everyone for stopping by...you do not know what it does for my pma..
patience...I am trying everyday to have it, what is helping is to realize what it is I want..recognize that things are moving in that direction...and think...what else would I be doing anyway??
the ring issue...is starting to be a bother to me...not so much that I'm not wearing mine but that h isn't wearing his...I have taken it out of the cabinet and put it on the windowcill by the sink...if he wants to put it back on he can..I will not put mine back on til asked to do so...and then I would like to see a priest to reinstate our vows..(I don't think I'd get a fight)
trying to deal with the snow messing with h's schedule and sleep...trying to accept the fact that at least for now the late nights up with h have ceased (but the sex is still there)
so all in all things are going well...I am still scared but am taking the stance at this point..hey if he leaves he leaves...been there done that...I'll survive...If I catch him still with ow...or a new ow at anytime...he leaves this time not by his choice but mine!!!
ok so...I don't know...just taking it one day at a time...or trying to anyway.
so in my next life I'd like to either be a cat or a man...both pretty much have it made!!!
I stay home all day taking care of two little kids..granted that is a gift most women nowadays either opt out of due to their own desire to persue a carreer or out of financial need...but in staying home..I do not have the luxury of meeting a friend for lunch without dragging kids along...I cannot just stop off at a friends house for dinner and come home when I damn well please...
tell me what is wrong with this picture here...I had a life before I got married...mostly because h (then bf) was so damn busy working or sleeping that I just did my own thing.... I went out with friends, I worked, I played...I did what I wanted to do...yes I was available to him when he so desired cause it just so happend he wasn't available much for me to decline and I did have plenty of free time anyway...
so let's see..I get married and move a distance from my friends and family and therefore don't spend as much time with them....also stop doing some of MY things (ie rollerblading after work) so I can come home and cook dinner and care for the home and all that crap...so time goes on like this and then we have a child...I stop working and care for son...loose more of myself and my freedom all the while h still comes and goes and does as he pleases...I need to request time to take a damn shower!! (yes I understand that h gained some financial responsibility in having a child and loosing my paycheck, but wtf?) so there I sat living in a townhouse with a baby alone while my h (worked) all day only to come home and work more down in the home office....so after a while I start watching realestate tv and see that homes with yards not all that much further than where we were are selling for affordable rates and bring it up (we didn't intend to stay in the townhouse forever anyway) so we look and find nothing that we like..h then suggests we look over the border to the next state...not thrilled I search everwhere for something closer...but end up building a beautiful home at an excellent price only 40 miles from my friends and family but figure its a beautiful home with an awesome yard the kids will love it and we'll meet people...once again I am left alone all day to care for a child while h leaves at the crack of dawn to come home after child is asleep...to usually only fall asleep on the couch himself...I ask to have a second child...h is reluctant wants to wait...I don't want to wait...want the diaper buisiness done with in a timely fashion...h agrees...I am expected to concieve somehow on my own though as h is not interested in participating...well eventually with enough words from me...our beautifull dd is conceived...I spend everyday preg and alone with an almost 2 year old...during the summer I while preg..take care of son and entertain h's family while they enjoy my home and h plays horseshoes...nice ha?! I am not happy at this point...have requested to h that we go out to dinner or a movie or something as it will be harder to get a sitter for two and we wouldn't be going out for a while when the baby is first born anyway...never happens... at different times I have my friends up for cookouts..h is typically not around as he seems to have this compultion to work every friggen day or finds some reason to not be around. at least while pregnant I stop complaining about his lack of libido as I reach the latter months I myself loose interest in the persuit of him and realize it's not worth the fight..
some fights over stupid things...
I start to hear complaints from his brother that he (h) is a non-person...what is wrong with him..you guys should be doing this that whatever...that he doesn't even know him...same complaints from mil, and future sil..I begin to just accept h's excuse that work takes alot out of him and makes him that way...I start to accept that I live in a nice house with two beautiful children and I can entertain and not have to worry how I will pay for the burgers. and the price I pay is that my h is tired alot and doesn't have the enthusiasm to do much. and am given the empty promise that as the years go on and the business get's better and better he will have more time and things will change (this promise given to me for many years long before even married)
so just when I start to accept this life and that this is the way h will be for now....I get a call discovering h is having an affair...of course to h it is not an affair but wtf..who cares if your not being physcial with her...your not being physical with me either so at least she is getting a man who is awake attentive and will go out to lunch with her while you say you are to busy to grab lunch with me and our son. so then you leave (yeah I notice this is turning into me talking to him) tell me youre not inlove with me...you think I don't know what's going on...eventually you let me know your in love with ow...and you plan to be with her...whatever...
my life actually was better when you weren't with me...yes I missed having you here..I missed some things about you...i missed having a man in the house (not that you acted much like one, other than to fall asleep on the couch) but I was able to have a life..I got to leave the house promptly at 6 every tues and thurs to do whatever the hell I wanted to do...I got to leave the house every sunday all day alone!!!now I spend most sundays at home alone with two kids. I got to leave the house every other saturday evening and didn't have to come home if I didn't want too.. you decide you want to try to be with me as you do love me...and since you love me a part of you will always be here so you can't be with someone else..ok that sounds nice...but why don't you try actually being with me..
I am annoyed with h...the winter is supposed to be off season for landscapers??? h still goes into work everyday..yes everyday..ok maybe not sundays..but then he goes to the football game or goes to friends to watch football... anyway it seems to me that h has the life...he doesn't have to let me know that he is going somewhere or that he wont be home at any particular time...if I so much as want to get a hair cut..I need to either bring the kids with me or find a sitter...same goes for doctors appointments gee don't know when I last got to the dentist...
I am annoyed right now..tonight why...cause h left to go down to work..calls at 7...(I don't bother to answer) to let me know he's thinking of comming home for a while probably around 9 (nice after I put the kids to bed myself) because it's not supposed to start snowing til midnight or so...now you might ask why am I angry? he's comming right...he called right...no it's the fact that he waited til 7 to call and that he called from his buddies house...went their for dinner (knowing full well that I cooked dinner) and since he wont be home til 9, he plans to hang out for a while...oh and here's the nice part...because my h left me, because he had an affair (honestly I don't give a damn if it only be ea...ea is worse I'd rather he just screwed her) because I have to keep my mouth shut...h will not know that I think he is being a selfish, self centered, inconciderate jerk!!
I think I will start using my night time again...only difference is now I don't know what time h will get here on any given night so it's hard to make plans and it's damn cold and I don't really want to go out there but wtf!
oh btw...h saw his ring..said what's this...is this mine...I said yeah..he said were did it come from..it wasn't there before..I said I know I put it there..you can put it back on if you want...h said cool (or something queer like that) nothing more...and to boot I was in the other room...h never botherd to thank me or anything like that and didn't bother to ask about my rings...at this point I wouldn't put them back on anyway.
)
SI