so we had a bit of a discussion last night...I didn't intend for it..tried to avoid it..but after being physical I started to cry..I was thinking of him and ow and it bothered me...h knew something was wrong before he saw my face (i had been hiding on his shoulder) he was very comforting and understanding..told me that if I felt that way I should have stopped him. assured me that he is not seeing or talking to ow any longer and honestly hasn't been thinking much about her either. (oh it was so nice to hear that) it is not so much that I doubt his still seeing her it is just the whole mess of this all having happend in the first place and his still having those feelings for her.
h is here because he wants to be here...he is not happy about the fact that he doesn't wear his ring (i took it from him back in august) isn't thrilled about his having a separate residence (though admits it's a nice convenience for when it snows or he stays out late) does not have a time line for when these things will change. and honestly I do not know what time line I have concerning them either.
did cover the fact that h doesn't initiate many outings..and that I know this has always been just the way he is..but that it would be nice if once in a while h would come up with something simple to do..(I really am easy to please) I'd be thrilled if he simply got a sitter and we went to the mall together or something..doesn't matter what...just set something up.ya know?
also let h know some of the things he has been doing right...
telling me about his dream- let him know that was HUGE to me.
talking to me about his parents-huge
the sun night that he called and said he wished he'd just stayed home- HUGE!
I let h know that I do not want to change him, I want him to be him. I pointed out to him that I tried to pay attention to what it was that h didn't like about me and "changed" it... and in doing so realized that it was for my own betterment..
we discussed the fact that h has been changing some things..so I asked him how he felt about making changes and he said good..
so we are on a good road (i think) a long one, but I think the right path has finally been found (oh thanks for db)
I just hope I can have the patience I will need for this journey... it was hard enough waiting for a proposal the first time around.
LL