Don't you guys think it will be SUPERFUN! to help me in my quest to have a fantastic sex life?
Not unless I get some, too.
This would be like the adopted orphan sending pictures to the orphans back in the home of all your fantastic Christmas presents (including the puppy).
Re your H's sudden burst of energy... I think y'all have been "in labor" with this separation/D for years. Now that the birth process is happening, I expect to see lots of energy from both of you. It makes perfect sense to me that he would take action. We 4's aren't lazy couch potatoes... we just have to wait until it makes sense for us to do something-- then we're bundles of energy. It's not personal to you, Mojo, and I think you know this. Also, if he were mopey about the D, you might doubt the wisdom of it. I predict that y'all will remain very close friends-- better friends than when you were married and trying to force each other into providing for each other what neither of you was equipped or willing to deliver. (Five bucks to anyone who can diagram that sentence.)
I don't get your H and I'm not really gonna try. I find his behavior throughout odd and questionable. However, since you are my cyber-friend and he is not I am mostly concerned for your well being.
I told you before not to be surprised by anything. Your H could have been having an affair for years, he could be gay, he could end up with some sexpot gf and a hot SL, he could wind up hermit living under a bridge. Most likely he will drift through life mildly unhappy, occasionally depressed and wonder "why me?" (my ex-h did and is still doing the latter - after more than six years apart).
Anywhoo - just memorize the mantra - "My life is mine and his is his." Live your "best" life, whatever that means to you. The single error I think I made post divorce was in not dating. I was too concerned with being a good Mom, didn't want a string of people through my children's lives, and didn't want to be seen as a desperate divorcee. I also didn't want to spend hours on the phone and computer neglecting my children in favor of pursuing a bunch of men. So....I was asked out by a lot of people, turned them down and then met H. If I had it to do over again I still wouldn't introduce my children to people I was dating until they meant something to me but I would date more people and get to know them. I would RELAX more about it. Go out with someone who "isn't your type" once and see then don't accept a second date if they aren't your cup of tea. KWIM? I think dating is a far cry from "jumping into a R too soon". Dating lets you get to know others and yourself. It would be good for your self esteem!
The most important person in the whole wide world is you and you hardly even know you. The most important person in the whole wide world is you, c'mon I'll show you. Find out more about the things you feel and do because the most important person in the world is you.
Captain Kangaroo Show -early 1970's
Quote:
Please won't you be my neighbor?
Mr.Rogers- early 1970's
Quote:
Who lives down in deepest darkest Africa? Who's the one that brought the jungle fame? Who believes in doing good and doing right? Kimba the white lion is his name.
Obvious
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Re your H's sudden burst of energy... I think y'all have been "in labor" with this separation/D for years. Now that the birth process is happening, I expect to see lots of energy from both of you. It makes perfect sense
I think that this is right. We've already done a lot of the processing that might take place after the divorce in a lot of situations. It's as though all of our "buttons" have disappeared. We're just both very relieved to no longer be working so hard at a compromise with which neither of us felt any level of satisfaction.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
[/quote]Anywhoo - just memorize the mantra - "My life is mine and his is his." Live your "best" life, whatever that means to you. The single error I think I made post divorce was in not dating. I was too concerned with being a good Mom, didn't want a string of people through my children's lives, and didn't want to be seen as a desperate divorcee. I also didn't want to spend hours on the phone and computer neglecting my children in favor of pursuing a bunch of men. So....I was asked out by a lot of people, turned them down and then met H. If I had it to do over again I still wouldn't introduce my children to people I was dating until they meant something to me but I would date more people and get to know them. I would RELAX more about it. Go out with someone who "isn't your type" once and see then don't accept a second date if they aren't your cup of tea. KWIM? I think dating is a far cry from "jumping into a R too soon". Dating lets you get to know others and yourself. It would be good for your self esteem!
I can definitely understand your viewpoint on dating when you had young children. I really don't think it's going to be a huge issue for me given that my children are dating also.-LOL. However, like TTHO suggested, I do not have any intention of getting myself into any sort of serious relationship any time soon. I really need to take some time to evaluate what I want from the rest of my life. I'm really feeling at loose ends because my ToDo lists which I depend on so much are suddenly completely in need of revision. Also, I have quite a bit of work to do to get my financial house in order. I'm keeping the house but I'm going to have to turn the back quarter back into an apartment in order to afford it while simultaneously increasing my business income by about a quarter by working more etc. etc. Plus I have to do all the filing cr*p and organize all the separation of joint accounts etc. etc. So I don't really think I'll be ready to think about dating for a little while yet. Okay, I lie I'm clearly already "thinking" about it but I probably won't actually be "doing" anything about it for awhile.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Right now you're in the euphoric "free at last!" stage. Don't be surprised when the sadness, grief, and doubt kick in. Just ride them out. It's good you're doing this after Christmas and Thanksgiving. It's a pretty neutral holiday time. By the fall, you'll both be on more solid emotional ground.
Karen, I'm puzzled that Mr Mojo's behavior doesn't make sense to you.
I still say I think Jenny would be happiest with one good man after some dating interval. But it's waay too early to settle on any plan.
Mojo. read some of QOE100's posts in Divorced. She lives in Mich and dated for a long time, met some nice guys that didn't do that much for her chemically. She now has a keeper.
I know she used to go to DB get togethers. QOE100 / Jill post on my thread once in a while.
