I think I belong here.

[peaceful_spirit]

Hi folks,
I've been posting over on teh MLC board since July. But I think I may belong here as well.

Background:
Me: 33
H: 33
M: 7 years (together 14)
Kids(2): S2, S4
Bomb: Jan '06 (OW)
Came back Mar '06 for 1 week - couldn't live without OW
H came back: May '06
Since then, there have been MANY touch and goes with H.
We're now in the process of trying to reconcile.

Prior to H's A, I treated sex like a chore. I wasn't interested. I jsut wasn't. I would look for ways to keep the kids from napping at the same time so H wouldn't come on to me. I just didn't realize at that time what a huge impact it was having on our M.

After my H's A, I realized that it was an issue and that sex is an important part of M. So, we worked on that. I got much better.. MUCH, but still not great. Sex got a little more interesting and also more frequent. Yet it still didn't seem to be enough.

Since my H's return in May, he has been struggling with feeling pulled away to OW. Everytime he goes back to her for a night or two, he realizes she's not who he wants to be with adn he comes home. Then a few weeks later, he gets restless, withdraws, and leaves for a day or two... and there you see the cycle.

This has been a huge struggle becuase whenever H comes home, he seems to be so sure that he wants me as his W and he wants our family and to move back home. But then smoethign comes over him and he wants to flee again.

H has been in C since May. This past Tuesday, H had what he called a "breakthrough". He said that he thinks about sex so often and he wants it so badly but feels like I not interested. Now, I knew this was an issue, but it wasn't until H opened up to me this week that I realized what a HUGE issue it was with him. We had a good, open conversatino about it that day.

He said when he withdrawls, that's what he's thinking about. He said that he feels like he spends the weekends wondering when we can have sex, and he thinks I spend the weekend thinking how can I avoid sex. He said that he thinks I'm not interested. He said he tried the flowers thing and it still didnt' seem to make a diffence in bed.

I opened up to hm as well and told him that I am interested in sex, but that I don't like him to just pounce on me. I need some kisses on the neck first. I need some open, honest communication. I need to feel loved. I told him that sometimes I feel used. He didn't understnad how I coudl possibly feel used.

Anyway, we had a pretty open convo about it.

My question is this... does his interest in sex seem over the top or is this typical of a guy's view of sex?

The other thing I shoudl mention is that he does look at porn, which has always bothered me to a small degree. So, he said that sometimes he just looks at porn because he it's easier than trying to get me to have sex.

There's mroe to this, but I wanted to get some initial opinions first. Thanks!