Parts of this post really struck home with me today:
Originally Posted By: M Go Blue
The point I'm trying to make is that with death, we openly talk about the spouse who has passed on with our children and family. With divorce, we avoid talking about the other spouse freely and with love and admiration. It seems at times it is almost taboo to broach the subject.
I think my children don't want to talk about their mom in my presence as they feel it my upset me. They may also feel it would be disrespectful to their mom to discuss things about her with me, the person she has so much anger and resentment towards.
We seem to live in this world where if we don't talk about it, everything will be allright. We supress our feelings and don't share them with one another. This simply leads to more ill feelings inside that we push down and bury in ourselves.
My children will quite possibly go through the same experiences with their marriage partners that their mother and I did. It's what they learned. What is learned is often played out in life.
You have put into words some of my greatest worries and concerns. It worries me enormously that my S14 doesn't seem to feel like he can talk to me about his dad, or listen to me talk about his dad. I know some of it is that S14 doesn't like to see me get upset. But that SO reminds me of H--doesn't like to see negative emotion in others, refuses to deal with conflict and negative emotions openly. I SO don't want S14 to grow up this way, and part of avoiding it is to encourage him to talk about it all openly. Sigh. I guess I've just vented on your thread but you really struck a nerve.
I'm thinking the best response may be to face it head on--just say to S14 what you said in your post about how we treat death vs. how we treat D.
Originally Posted By: M Go Blue
An affair is still about one spouse spending time and energy with another person who they are attracted to, which takes away from the time and energy available for the spouse they are married to.
Amen. Frankly, this turning away of attention and energy pains me far more than the physical turning away...in my experience physical attention from men is pretty easy to get but the emotional attention is something else entirely!
