Life of Job

[81388*]

I worry sometimes that everything else suffers at the expense of the all consuming battle of saving a marriage. I think that is what everybody means by having to be done before you can make any progress.

I can see how I am not accomplishing what I need to. I am not the father I want to be, I am not as productive as I need to be at work, and I am obviously not the husband I would like to be.

I can feel how drained I am by the end of the day. I still wake up at 3-3:30, try to go back to sleep until 5-5:30 get up and get on with it. Ambien helped me fall asleep, but I didn't stay asleep.

After loosing 30 pounds, I have gained only 3 back, but not for lack of eating. I know I have to do things differently because this is killing me, it is eating away at me from the inside out. The 30 pounds was scary because I am 6'3" and used to weigh 198.

I need to get to a better place, but at the same time I don't want to turn loose of my wife. It is like the emotion is the only tie I have left to her.