Same ol', same ol'

[LoginName]

Hey TL,
Not to put too much pressure on you, but you're my hero. You set the standard and told me what I needed to hear. I'm glad you're not going to give up, becaus I can envision myself being in your shoes (I hope to get there, and to where you want to be).

Here's a thought. The anger and hurt that you felt, that we all have felt, has been bottled up and put away for a long time. We have battled our emotions and largely succeeded. They have to come out eventually. Now that the immediate crisis seems to be over with your W, all the pent up resentment, all the feelings of entitlement(I suffered to get us to this point, you owe me, it's your turn to do the work), are rearing their heads. What do we do with those feelings?

In one of the books I read, it talked about how we have a Taker and a Giver inside of us. We have been in Giving mode for a long time. That's part of the way we bring back our W, by giving to their Taker. But someday, our Taker is going to say what about me? I think the book said we have a third part inside of us too, and that 3rd part can control the Giver and Taker and lead us to a mature, healthy relationship (repackeaged id, ego, and super ego?).

What do you think? Is your Taker demandning to be heard now?

Another question. What is love? Maybe I should as Just_Me that question. My W says she doesn't love me anymore and she'd like to. Why can't she just do it then? Is it a choice? Maybe it's another one of those things that time takes care of. After more time (a year?) of living together and dealing with the problems, maybe love grows of it's own. I'd love to know. My W asked why I still love her. Do you still love your W? Why? Why would you want to? Do you have to be in love if you're just staying together for the kids? Maybe you could be good friends who happen to life together. I wouldn't want to settle for that. I don't think you would either.

Maybe Just_me is right and if you give yourself, in that unconditional way you spoke to me about, love can return. Maybe unconditional love is beyond humans. But that's what Grace is for, yes?