I had the A, how to regain trust?

[LoginName]

Ah, I see. I feel that I can't judge my W in this, and not just because I had an A too. I feel that WE got to the point where she could have an affair. It's my fault too. That being said, it was her choice to have A and leave.

I think that I am bottling up some of the anger and hurt I have over this. I think it will bubble up eventually and I'll have to be ready to deal with it in a healthy way. So I would guess this is hard for your H and he has some hurt and anger too.

AND, you do to, right? I mean, if he would have given you what you needed, if he would have shown that he cared, you two wouldn't be where you are today.

Try not to go that route. Take responsibility for what you did and make ammends. Let him take responsibility for himself and what he did. I think you have a right to be angry too, but be careful with the anger.

I'm trying to look at the sitch like this. My W and I built a house in New Orleans. It was a nice house, but we didn't take care of it very well. It was falling apart. Then, Katrina hit. It's nobody's fault Katrina hit, it just did. Now we can blame each other, or we can learn from this and build our next house on higher ground, maybe in a different state. I can be angry that the hurricane hit, but it's not my W's fault.

I think that analogy kind of works.

However, I'd love to hear my wife say she is sorry for the A and leaving. What she should have done is tell me, before the A, that she wanted to try to fix things and what she thought the problems are, or divorce me first then go to the OM. Ah, who am I kidding, it still would have hurt like hell. At least she (and I) would be more honest if we did it that way.

Boy, I'm really talkative today. Thanks for chatting with me. Hope I'm not prattling on too much.