oh 8 I am sooooooooooo sorry. You're right, kind of chickensh1t to do it in the school parking lot ain't it? Aliens, you just can't predict what they will do next.
You deserve a medal and sainthood for the way you handled things. God to have the detachment to say "I want YOU to be happy" when in reality I KNOW you want to scream "WTF is wrong with you, you moron?!?!?! Do you not see CHILDREN here? Did your brain and common sense suddenly slip vertically down from your head to another portion of your anatomy?"
Oh honey let us pat YOU on the back as you did your wife. God. Do you have a way/place to get the anger/sadness out without infecting your son and giving your wife potential fodder? Kick boxing, rollerderby, asskicking, OM beating, anything? To hurt so much and still be walking upright is so amazing. If I were queen of the universe this would NOT be happening. Breathe man, breathe again and then stop to breathe. After that have a good cry. Your son is so lucky one of his parents is sane.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Whatis, TO, and Stubborn, Thanks for the posts, they mean even more now.
I am OK today, a little on the teary side. Visited with a client today who's husband of 40 years died last year, she is still lost. I see a little of her coming back, but she has lost her vitality, her strength. She still sees things that remind her of him and gets misty eyed. I just about started crying myself.
My observation is that my wife is not MLC, I wish she was because then I would have some sort of explanation. She is not confused about all of this, she is following the path she started out on back in Nov. She hurts, she is sad, she is scared, she is not the same woman I have loved all these years, but she is not dripping alien toxic goo everywhere, she is just doing what she said she was going to do and to hell with everybody else.
Detachment worries me because when I am at a point where I am uneffected by what she says and does, I would think I would be at a point where I no longer want to be married to her either.
As for getting the anger out, I think I will look into kick boxing. I have to find some outlet because my sad broken heart is slowley being filled with anger, and that just won't do.
81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
I think this is mid-life crisis. Sometimes a MLC has little confusion, it's just a clear, stubborn path down a selfish road. The hurt, the sadnes, the fear is part of MLC.
Deatchment is for your healing. It's OK. You need to filter out the anger and just feel strong.
I know it is for me, but I see it leading to the same place. Why would I want to be married to this person when I no longer care what they do or say?
I proved to myself last night that I can act the part, but if I really get there, I think it will be over.
81, I think you've got to get to the point where you don't care, I know I did. to me, I think you have to see this marriage as done, then once you've healed, she's healed/ come back to sanity, then you can begin a new relationship.
8, just some quick, and hopefully helpful, stats. About 90% of R's that come from an A do not result in M, they fall apart. And the best one, 80% of M's between two A partners end in divorce. She's in for one hell of a nightmarish ride!
If it's over, then it's over because you want it to be.
GAL makes you strong.
180's make her curious. It's a more authentic "manly" way of being. Read The Way of a Superior Man. Focus on your career, your mission/passion in life.
Keep doing GAL and 180.
You will get to the point where you can be fine without her. In fact, that might attract her: your being fun, interesting and not needy.
If she's not attracted. Then it's over.
If she is... then YOU get to decide. Nice change, eh?
Don't sweat the negative feelings. They are natural. They can change.
and just because you don't see what you would label as "confusion" doesn't mean there isn't any there. Why else would she be crying in the bedroom and "mommy is just sad"? It is confused to think that going down this path is a smart thing to do. And since we can't get into their warped brains we don't know every thought. My best to you 8. What's up with your little guy?
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
The kids were handling things well, until this morning. D14's friend was killed in auto wreck, D11's friend is in critical condition.(friends were sisters) I checked in with the girls after I heard, they were in the school councilor's office with friends, both said they wanted to stay with their friends. I am on my way to pick them up. S6 seems OK, a little sad this AM before school, but that is not unusual for him, he is always worried about what he is going to miss during the day. Something fun, he is sure!
The girls are pretty much in denile about the whole Divorce issue, and son really hasn't figured it out, what a shock when Mommy says she isn't living here anymore, but she will still see him on the weekends.
BIL has what his doctor told him is "the best brain tumor to have" I guess if you have to have brain cancer. Starts chemo and radiation soon.
Brother is medicated and home from the hospital, now docs don't know if there are blood clots or not, so thay are still trying to figure out what is wrong.
Has anyone ever noticed how when life goes bad, it is never just one thing, why is that? I have always tried to be a happy, positive person, one who is greatful for what I have but WTF is going on, I am tired of fighting on so many fronts at once.
81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
