Thanks so much to everyone for your advice and suggestions.

I feel absolutely horrible today - I'm physically sick to my stomach and can't even think straight. I made an appointment to see my doctor to ask if I can get some sort of muscle relaxers or something. I have so much work to do and just can't even focus. I am so incredibly distraught and feel so alone and lost.

I have not talked with H yet today. I'm sure I'll see him at some point and know I need to talk to him. That may not be the best thing to do, as I know it's pressure, but at the same time I just have to at least know where his mind is at right now and if he has gone back to OW. He may lie about it, but I at least need to ask. I just feel like if I don't even know where his mind is at then I don't know what to do next. I know he didn't stay at the office last night, but I drove by the OW house this morning and didn't see his car there either. That doesn't mean he hadn't already left there or wasn't parked somewhere else, but I didn't see him. I was doing so good before of not snooping before he came home, and things were going so well considering the circumstances (I thought). Snooping feels horrible, but at the same time, I'm in that place again where I just need to know the truth about what is going on.

What should I do now? I guess maybe I'll know better after I talk with him - hopefully I'll see him today at some point. I thought about asking him if we could just slow things way down and just work on being friends again and see how that feels. But can we even do that if he is not ready to completely give up the OW and come home? I just don't know.

I don't want to be a doormat. I want him to respect me. I know he knows that I'm just "waiting" for him and that in that regard he feels no immediate need or threat to get through this. At the same time, it's still very much in my heart and soul to want to save our marriage, and I honestly believe we can do that if I can somehow get him to get in the boat with me and work on this. I feel like we were so close and then that I screwed everything up. Because we have such a difficult time communicating about this, I wasn't comfortable bringing up the OW when he came home except for just asking if he has resolved things with her, and he said that he had. I left it at that for the time being, only to find out later that he had not told her that he planned on giving us another chance but only that he was going to take some time to sort things out.

I'm scared, isolated, lonely... I want to save my marriage!!! How do I fix this?