Afterall....This IS my Life III

[heatherg]

Hey Sheila!!! Good to hear from you. I'm glad to hear that you and J are continuing to work together on your M-I'm really happy for you.


Is it possible that although your H realizes that he wants his family, he's not to the point of doing whatever it takes to keep your M?...J said "then he's not there yet"....You keep coming back to sleeping in the bed and him wearing the wedding ring. Why are you hanging your hopes on those things?

You answered the question at the very beginning of your post. Refusal to do basic things means he's not there yet. After this long, I'm not very comforted that he's ever going to 'get there'. Meanwhile, I've felt like my life has waaay more to offer that what I've been dealing with on a routine basis from H.

He said he asks what do you want him to do now to keep him there. Is it really a matter of what he "does" or is it more a matter of you wanting him to stop doing things that have tore down the R. Stop disrespecting you, stop punishing you, stop playing power games. There's a diff in that line of thinking.

Sheila, thank you so much for pointing out the difference!! I needed that, it is so applicable to my situation. THANK YOU. I've been sort of beating myself up for not being able to love him 'as he is', sort of taking the blame on for my 'immature' love. But after I wrote out all the reasons I love H, it became clear to me that my love is not immature and that I DO love H for who he is. So, I was having trouble figuring out why I felt so strongly about change if I suppoedly love him for who he is. I've been apprehensive about talking in depth about this to H because I didn't have this clear in my mind.

I'd be curious to see your H's list of what he loves about you.

After I wrote that email to H, I honestly felt very, very vulnerable because the thought crossed my mind several times that it's possible he wouldn't even be able to come up with such a list for me. But I can't dwell on that, right?