The advice given to cat would be more applicable to your situation if it didn't seem as though he's still trying to pick between you and the OW. I'm all for being compassionate, loving, etc to help him mend if he actually wants to be with you.
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Can you just allow yourself to dare to think something GOOD about your husband? Of course the man is not "happy"! He is thinking of how long it's going to take to get back into your good graces, how long until you stop expecting the worst from him, how long until you have faith that he will do something other than screw up, how long til you will really love him again and the two of you can truly be a healed family. HOW can he EVER believe in HIMSELF when NO ONE BELIEVES IN HIM??
I saw nothing in your post to indicate your H feels like this. From his actions and words, it sounds like he feels justified rather than he screwed up. It also seems like he's got tons of self-esteem...he's God's gift to women and you are lucky to have him back. Now he's got to decide if he wants to be back.
I don't believe that when they come back finally, remorseful, and anxious to get back into your good graces that you should rake him over the coals. But when he's still playing both sides, he's neither sorry, nor learned anything from this experience, and he's certainly not worthy of trust.
