I think this is where I belong

[LoginName]

JBF,
Where your d is concerned, I can understand any anger. What your W did and is doing to your d is awful.

I think it's a good idea not to text her until some or all of the anger passes. Anger is not conducive to reason.

I think you are right on all of your points, except... it doesn't do any good to try to determine her motives. Is she trying to make you feel guilty? Maybe, maybe not. I have a hunch she is so caught up in her own life/nightmare/fantasy MLC that she really doesn't have much room to consider what you are thinking or feeling. I've been told that at this stage it is all about them; they are very self-centered. I think it's helpful to remember that and not try to guess their motives, or even their thoughts. Just go by actions and the end result - which in this case is the health of your d.

My kids are older, 10 and 15, so they act differently. My d10 did get more clingy and loving, and when I would tell her that I'm not leaving, ever, she would act visibly relieved. She did have one or two dreams, but she is very stoic overall - like her brother and parents. That was a lot of information to just tell you that I don't know what would be best for your d; seeing W or not. I am interested in what the C will say. If the C says, or someone here makes a good argument, that W should see D, can you handle it?

Maybe this from my sitch will shed some light. My W feels so incredibly guilty for leaving the kids that she gets angry at me for it. She, although a very perceptive and intelligent woman, has convinced herself that in a way she never left the kids. She left me, she never left them. She knew I'd take good care of them, so it wasn't like she abandoned them. She gave me 3 days warning before she left, so she didn't just take off out of the blue, in her mind. If I wanted to anger her, all I'd have to do is hint that she left the kids. Maybe your W is really suffering from this guilt too.

At the time my W was gone, I didn't believe she felt so bad. I tried hard not to guess what she was thinking at all, although it sure seemed she didn't care. (Oh my, I feel my anger rising now! I'll have to examine that later). The kids called her as often as she called them. That's the only contact she had with them. She'd ask them how their day was and that was about it. She wouldn't talk to me, or ask me about the kids. Meanwhile, she was having fun with the OM. - OK, enough of my sitch and anger, back to you.

My point is, for what it's worth, that your W is probably feeling awful, and will feel much worse later when she comes out of her fantasy world and sees what she's done. Then she might go into denial about the whole thing. It actually is your fault anyway (she might think).

And then back to the real issue - what is best for your daughter. There are some websites that talk about how to co-parent, they might be useful. From the books I've read and the websites, I think that overall the better the parents can get along and not fight or show anger in front of the kids the better for the kids. At your stage, it might be too early, but I'm guessing that eventually, you may need to be flexible for your d's sake; even to the point of changing your schedule to accommodate your W's party habits. I'm guessing that it's really important for you d to see her mom, even if it is unfair to you, and to her.

Cheers, JBF