You mentioned that your life is 90% better after you met the OM.
Looks like you changed. Do you think anyone, even you, would have thought that such a dramatic change would happen to you?
So..why can't your husband change?
Many of us who are "Divorce Busting" needed the raw honesty (even the truth of an affair) from our spouses in order to take stock of our lives. We do something called, "Getting a Life". We try new things, we excercize, we take up hobbies, we become more proactive, we find our mission in life. We begin to open our hearts, we start to listen. Yes, the pain is incredbile. I have had the worst year in my life. The shock sent me into a depression and acute anxiety. But, truth be told, I am not sleepwalking through life anymore. I'm awake and working on myself. I'm free from depression, I'm buoyant, I'm fun and I'm really on a path to wholeness. This might not have happened if not for my wife's declaration of her feelings.
The only problem is that by the time most people "drop the bomb" on their spouses, they are so hardened inside that even when the spouse starts to change, they are not willing to change their mind about leaving.
You are not planning on leaving. So....tell him the truth, he might surprise you.
My only concern, really, is that even if your husband changes, you will keep in contact with the OM and eventually end your marriage.
Of course, maybe the OM will leave his wife for you. And then, what if, in a couple of years, another OM makes you feel more intimate than OM #1? Do you keep trading up?
So...if you don't think marriage makes much sense, I see you point. Just trade up.
