He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

I re-read the letter from the L and noticed that they STILL had my name wrong on the top of the letter! They've changed the "Ms" to "Mrs", but my name is still spelled wrongly. There are typos throughout the whole thing as well. Really professional.

I agree the R he has with OW is not healthy. As for why it is lasting this long, it just may be because they feel like they have a pact, an us against all of them mentality. I hate to say this, but it seems like until they start to feel they no longer need to fight for there R, they may start to focus on the R and see it for what it is.

That's a very good point, though I suspect the only person they're really fighting is me, and I've left them alone apart from that one outburst. I doubt they're fighting very many of his friends, (who were also my friends, so that's kinda sad if they're all fine with him having an A).

I actually found out OW's name tonight, purely by chance! My brother and his girlfriend were playing football with H again tonight, only B's GF wasn't feeling well, so was just sitting on the sidelines. She was sitting next to one of our friends, we'll call her R, and the other friend I've mentioned before, T.

T was using H's phone to send a txt to someone. R asked T who he was txting and he said, "Amy". Without thinking anything of it, B's GF asked, "Who's Amy?" R replied without thinking, "H's GF." This apparently prompted a "don't be saying that" look from T. So obviously T is buddies with Amy if he's txting her, and obviously R knows all about Amy as well.

Anyway, I don't know any Amy, and can't remember H mentioning anyone by that name in the past, but at least now I've got that name which is one less thing to wonder about, (and with my punching bag arriving tomorrow, I might just have to make an "Amy" sign and stick it on the bag for motivation ).

As for moving on, I keep reminding myself about "acting as if" with that situation. I am in the same place as you, where I know I do not and can not move on, but I know that if I keep pushing, I will get the adverse effects of what I am trying to acheive. I believe that if he send him the letter or confront him now, it will only stand to remind him of what he has given up for the OW and make him work even harder at that R to convince not only you, but himself that it was worth it.

Your words make complete sense, 4ever! And the last thing I want to make him feel is closer to her. So my head knows that attacking their R won't do any good, it's just a matter of getting my heart to listen!

The letter was really just going to be my telling him that I forgive him. You see, I think that a big issue in all this is gonna be FIL's A and how I reacted to that. I lost count of how many times both H and I said to each other, "Why doesn't she just leave him and make life easier for everyone?" So now here I am accusing H of doing the same thing his father did, but instead of not wanting anything to do with him, I'm still hanging around like a bad smell. Considering the animosity I had, (and to a certain extent still have, about 6 years later) towards FIL, why should H believe that I could just forgive and forget what he is doing?

So I basically wanted to tell him that yes, I did see FIL's A as a very black and white and unforgivable sitch. However, now that I've been living the same sitch, and now that I've been reading so much about how other people react and deal in the same sitch, I've come to realise that it's not black and white, it's actually about 50 million shades of grey. So yes, believe it or not, I can forgive him, and should there come a day when he'd like to speak to me again, that I won't look down on him for what he's done or hold it over his head or throw it back in his face.

Maybe saying those things would remove some of the stigma he's craving so much with this R with OW. If I can say that I forgive him, and that I'm not angry with him anymore, then maybe the allure of the forbidden R won't be as strong, because it won't be quite as forbidden anymore. Of course, on the other hand he must just think, "Woohoo! Nothing to feel guilty about anymore!" and carry on his merry way with his unhealthy R.