Don't know if Michelle is still collecting for the book or not after so long, but here is my story.
My H. strangely enough is a sex addict. Exposed to inapropriate images at age 8 and adult movies by age 10 led him to act out by age 16. By age 20 he was in the prison system (he had a 14 year old girlfriend). He was in therapy with other sex addicts, completed a few programs - yet he had never actually had intercourse.
10 years of therapy managed to screw his head back on - but this time a little too tight. As soon as he got out he was on a mission to get as much sex as he could. That period lasted about 3 years until he hit rock bottom and decided to clean up his life. Mostly for religious purposes. Not an easy process. I met him after all of this. During the years we were dating he was constantly touching me. He had self control but the raging hormones were there. The first year of marriage was perfect. He initiated, I initiated. I loved it.
Then the dry times came. When I'd ask he kept telling me that I needed to initiate more, but when I did he got overly sensitive and asked me to stop. I'd watch for opportune moments to try, but generally he was stuck in the television or something else. I wondered if he was doing an abstinance thing to try to get over some relapse or something but he claimed it wasn't the case. I thought that maybe I just wasn't "it" anymore as happens to most porn addicts. He said that wasn't it either. Fantasy wasn't anywhere near as nice as reality for him. I'd ask him about it and he would just say he was waiting for the "mood" to hit.
Frankly I'm stumped. Either he is lying. Doesn't care for me like that any more. Is doing some kind of self penance. Is Depressed. Has just worn his sex drive out. I don't know. I just know he isn't the same guy I was thrilled by the first few years of my relationship.
I was thrilled because my ex was the complete opposite of what I had grown to hope for in my H. It took my ex 6 months and repeated invitations to touch me "down there". 3 months after we were married we went for a month without sex and it only went down hill from there. I asked him once about the big "M" and he said he'd tried it when he was younger and wasn't interested. As far as I could see he never looked at internet porn or anthing else in/appropriate either - including me naked. He was like some kind of abstinent monk or something. Toward the end of the marriage he refused to even touch me, even though I left that avenue open, because he was afraid he'd get me pregnant - and hey there is no honor in leaving a child... the mother is a different story I guess.
It is frustrating. The stereotypical male stud always wanting sex I'm beginning to think only exists until age 25. After that it's just easier and perhaps emotionally safer for them to take care of their needs themselves. Sad you can't come anywhere near building a strong marriage that way.
