Thanks 4ever! I'm reading your post at about 11:30pm my time, so nope, not too late.
You know how I joked about asking for a punching bag for my b'day? Well I actually mentioned it to my parents and I'm actually getting one! Dad only ordered it today, because I found a seller on ebay that had a fantastic price on them, so I don't have it yet, but it's my official b'day pressie none the less!
My day started with a txt from my best friend. About 30 min later, I got a txt from MIL, wishing me a Happy B'day and saying we'd catch up soon. Then I got a txt from my sister. Then a couple hours later I got a txt from one of "our" friends, the guy who hosted that BBQ, who also works with H. When I got the msg I thought, "How the hell would he know it's my b'day?" because whilst I'm sure I would have mentioned it at some point over the years we've known each other, I'm sure he wouldn't have just remembered of his own accord. Nope, I'm pretty sure that someone at work must have mentioned that it was my b'day, so even though I didn't actually hear from that someone at all, I think I can safely assume that at least he hadn't forgotten that today was my b'day.
Got a package in the mail from MIL. A card saying Happy B'day and that the present was, "just a little something until we catch up". It's a really pretty bracelet, which I wore to dinner with my family tonight.
My brother played football with H against last night. Once again, the person who I suspect may be OW wasn't playing. B said he considered casually saying, "How come X hasn't been playing the last couple of weeks?" but thought better of it.
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
Yep, went to see CATS last night and had a really good time.
It did hit me later, after I was home again, that this was the first major fun, out of the ordinary thing I've really done since H left. Felt really strange. On the one hand, I was proud of myself for having had what's probably my first real moment of detachment, but then on the other hand it didn't really feel right, because it kinda felt like I was leaving him behind.
But overall, yes I did have a really good night. After the show, my friend and I came back to my place and had some of the mango cheesecake I made. I ended up making it at 2am the night before! It was after I'd gotten home from my b'day dinner, and by the time I decided to start making it, it must have been close to midnight. Made the crust of the cake and left it to set in the fridge while I came to muck around on the computer for a while. Next thing I knew it was 2am, and I thought, "Hmmm, better get back to making that cake!"
So it was 2am, I was still slightly drunk from dinner, and there I am with a bowl full of cheesecake batter, mixing it with the electric beaters, which were causing little bits of cheesecake to fly all over the place! Got it all over the bench and all over my pjs. It was so much fun, and I was laughing as the bits of cheesecake went flying everywhere. I'm sure that if anyone had seen me, splattered with cheesecake, dancing to the music on the radio, and laughing, that they would have thought I'd lost my mind, but damn it was fun!
I'd been considering making a bold move tonight. The football team we support is playing a pre-season trial match, and I'm quite sure that H will be going. I've been to the ground where the game will be several times before with H. It's a pretty small place, and the setup is such that the area with the food is set up in one back corner of the ground. I had half a mind to go along and sit down near that corner so that when H, (possibly with OW in tow) would inevitably go to buy food, he wouldn't be able to not see me, and I'd be able to just ignore him or happily wave and smile.....
Pros: * One of his complaints about our R is that he always felt like he had to be the one organising things whenever we'd go out anywhere. So going along without him to a place we'd previously always gone together would show him that I'm quite capable of organising it myself. * It'd also show him that he can't necessarily ignore me for the rest of his life, because there will be times at the football when we're both gonna be in the same place at the same time.
Cons: * He'd know that I'd know that he'd be there, so might get pissed off that I'm trying to stalk him or something. * Much as I'd like confirmation as to who OW is, do I really want to risk finding out by seeing him walk past me hand in hand with her?
So it's a matter of weighing the pros of making a point to him, with the cons, which could turn out to be rather upsetting. So I ultimately decided not to go. Hope that's the right decision. I kinda feel like I really should seize the opportunity to prove to him that I'm able to go to this game without him, but I just don't know how he'll take it. Another thing is that not going kinda makes me feel like he's bullied me into submission, like he's claimed this football ground as his turf and I'm too aprehensive to set foot on it. So I kinda wanna just stand up for myself and go. Deciding whether or not to go to a football game should not be this complicated! Someone slap some sense into me, please!
The football team that H and my brother (and his girlfriend) play on has made the finals of the comp they're in. I'm really hoping they make the grand final, because that's a game I will go to. Mum actually said that if they make the grand final that we should all go along to cheer for my brother and his girlfriend. So everyone keep your *fingers crossed* for me that they make the grand final!
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
Love the story about the cake. I think your H is missing out not sharing his life with you. Anyone that can have cake batter splatter on them in the middle of the night and see the humor in it is someone worth being keeping.
I think you made the right move by not going to the football game. It may have been more upsetting than anything else. I think it took more determination not to go.
My fingers are crossed . . . off to the grand finals with your brother and girlfriend!
MIL was here just before. She stopped by to pick up some cheesecake (and for a quick chat). I told her how I'd made it at 2am with the electric beaters and the splattering and she laughed and said I was a madwoman. Gonna have her and FIL over for a proper visit one day soon.
The only time I brought up the subject of H was to ask if he's booked the stuff for his trip to Africa yet. She didn't seem to know if he had or not. I just said that I assumed he'd have to book it soon if he wants to get the right date before his b'day for his Kilimanjaro climb.
In other news, I just realised that that letter from the phone company, which I had assumed was H's mobile bill, so I didn't open it, was actually the home phone bill. I discovered this when I got a txt from my dad saying that he'd tried calling the home phone and just got an engaged signal. So I tried calling out and got an engaged signal. So then I went and opened that envelope from the phone company and saw that the bill was due on the 21st!
I try to do the right thing by avoiding the temptation to snoop at what I thought was H's mobile bill, and my payment for that is a home phone which may have very well been disconnected.
The bill has now been paid, so I'll wait a couple days and see if the phone comes back on before I try calling them to find out if I need to pay a reconnection fee or something. You'd think they'd send you some sort of notice, or actually call you before they cut off your phone though, wouldn't you? I hope they didn't call H's mobile about it. I assume they'd have his number on record, and the bill was still in his name and everything. I hadn't bothered getting it changed because it seemed like such a hassle to go through the whole process just to get a different name on the top of the bill. But if I have been disconnected, then I will have to go through all of that. Unless I don't bother with a landline and just rely on my mobile as my phone instead. It's not like I really use the landline much anyway.
Anyway, the reason dad had been trying to call me was because my punching bag b'day present had just been delivered to their place and he wanted to let me know. Wish I had it here now to let out some of the frustration over the phone bill drama.
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
Update: the phone just rang and damn near gave me a heart attack because I really wasn't expecting it! Seems that paying the bill got everything connected and working again, so at least that's one less thing to worry about. *sigh of relief*
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
Got a reply from H's L today. On the first page when they mention the calculation for the cash payment I'd get they make sure to add that, "we believe that our clients offer to you is substantially higher than that which we believe would be awarded to you should this matter proceed to the Federal Magistrates Court."
On the final page it says that I have until March 14th to respond, and if I don't then they, "reserve our right to withdraw this offer to settle at that time." Which I guess means it then gets nasty.
They've also asked for a statement of my life insurance policy, which at this point hasn't been included in any calculations. I don't actually think I've made any payments on that policy since I turned 18. Last time I looked, I think I was almost $1000 behind in payments. The bills still get sent to my parents' address, and it's still in my maiden name. That should give you an idea of how long it's been since I really even looked at that policy.
They also attached photocopies of things I asked for as proof of values and stuff like that. One of them is a credit card statement. It seems that even though I didn't actually get anything from this L until late January, H had actually gone to see them on Nov 29!!
On Nov 17th he paid out $150 at a resturaunt/wine bar, so I guess that gives me an idea of how long he's been with OW.
On Dec 1 he spent $300 on tickets to something or other. I'm really trying to remember what date our last C session was on, because I don't remember if it was late Nov or early Dec, but I do remember mentioning to H as he was driving me home and I was trying to make smalltalk that I'd seen that tickets for John Mayer were going on sale the following week, (and something tells me the date was Dec 1 that tickets went on sale, I remember it being a distinctive kinda date, like the 1st of the month). He commented that he probably wouldn't go.
There's also a payment of $466 around the beginning of Nov and it says it was to a real estate agent, but in Balmain, which is interstate, which makes no sense at all.
Anyway, I've managed to assume from this credit card statement that he started dating OW at least mid-Nov if not earlier. So that would have been only a month and a half after he moved out, and it would have been when we were still in C! So now I'm getting obsessed over knowing details of the A again. It's taking all my willpower not to ask him for another C session so I can get the details, (before I agree to any kind of legal settlement) with someone else there to mediate. If he was already seeing OW when he was still going to C sessions with me, then I wanna know!
Since November?!?!? Seriously?!?! He left it til the end of January to tell me about it, but he'd been seeing someone else since FREAKING NOVEMBER?!?! He was looking me in the eye at C sessions, (actually, he did find it hard to look me in the eye), when all the while he was already with someone else?!? Lord knows I deserve to be treated better than that! Lord knows that after all the talking he did behind my back before he even left, that I deserved a bit if freaking honesty, but he was too gutless to tell me about his little A until it had been going on for at least a couple of months!!!! Just thinking that I was actually in his presence, and he was keeping that from me, lying to my face, makes me so freaking angry!! Makes me feel dirty, and used.
I want some answers, dammit! I want to know exactly how long it is I've been lied to about his A. Don't I deserve that? I don't suppose there's any way I can ask him about it though, is there? Because he doesn't think he has a damn thing to answer for.
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
It just seems like he ran out of our house and more or less straight to OW. How is that healthy? And how does an R that started like that even last this long? Shouldn't all of that initial euphoria of a new R junk be wearing off by now? If it hasn't, does that mean that I shouldn't bother clinging to any hope that it will burn out?
I've been considering sending him a letter for a couple of weeks now. I'm seriously considering including something about wanting to just know who it is and when they started going out, and explain that I don't want that info so I can throw it back in his face, I just want it for my own closure on the subject so I can stop wondering about it. I dunno if it's a good idea to ask though. It might just blow up in my face and make him angrier. I just don't know.
I don't know him at all anymore, it seems, and that breaks my heart. We were best of friends for 10 years, and now we're strangers.....and he doesn't seem to care about that. But he thinks everything is resolved and I just need to move on. But everything isn't resolved, so I can't move on.
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
I'm sure that if anyone had seen me, splattered with cheesecake, dancing to the music on the radio, and laughing, that they would have thought I'd lost my mind, but damn it was fun! 
Someone slap some sense into me, please!
