I've just read your posts all the way through and something was sreaming out at me as regards the no sex time frame. Namely you haven't had sex for 7 yrs and your son is 7 yrs old. Ever consider your wife may have had post natal depression when son was born?

Maybe at that time she while in a high earning job she resented having to go out to work to earn the big money? Maybe she resented that you wern't able to provide for the family the way she would have liked and her resentments made you seem unattractive to her? Lots of maybes but very real possibilities. Maybe if she had undiagnosed post natal depression she couldn't help how she felt and maybe your resentments of her life outside the home showed too. It comes across from your posts whether you like it or not that you did resent her success or rather you didn't like your lack of success and you seem to blame her for pretty much everything. Classic mlc behaviour from you maybe the same from your wife.
If you want your M to work or rather if you want to work at your M your attitude has to change big time.

I totally understand that it is soul destroying to always be the one making the first move and eventually to switch off and not try. Been there done that got the t. shirt but it doesn't sound like she was rejecting you when you did make a move unlike myself and others on this board.

Listen to advice given here so much is good and the best advice is change you and don't try to change her. Listen calmly when she complains about the past and don't do the classic but you did this too. Date nights are good for reconnecting plus you will always be joint parents of your kids so you will have to get along in future even if your wife doesn't change her mind about wanting a divorce.
You do not own your wifes future if you D you will have no say in who she sees or what she does no control over her actions so accept that you can't control her actions now either only your own.

Stay calm anger is so destructive and you sound like a volcano ready to erupt. Good luck no matter what happens next!