Hi all,

I feel like I need a place to put my thoughts and get input on occasion about marital issues. It's hard to find a good spot for me.

I've been on this site since March of 2005 under various names. In brief, my wife and I separated in early 2005 and went through the rollercoaster that seems to go with the territory. We divorced in May of that year...an easy, painless process and I guess that should have been the end of the story. We did remain friends although I certainly wanted to be more, although the desire to be her husband had started to wain. Anyway, On New Years Eve 2005 she had an epiphany of sorts, called crying, and ended the convo by asking me to think about trying again with her. To make a long story short...we did end up trying again. We've been living together since February of 2006. I love her, she loves me. We had a somewhat rocky 2006, but we've made it through and even put most of our hang-ups behind us. If anything, my wife is stronger for all of this. I just want to journal some issues and maybe get some help.

Okay: Me 39; two kids of my own S15, S13
Her 41; two kids of her own D13, S10

Our problems have centered mainly on the "blended" family and also on some of my doubts and fears. We didn't remarry. I asked her last April and she said yes, but because of certain issues that cropped up, I actually never pursued the marriage. She's asked about it several times and I've in one way or another put her off. Part of the problem is I guess fear of being once again legally responsible. \:\) We live together, share finances, shares the same goals and dreams for the future like a married couple. So, I guess I'm not sure why I wouldn't just do it. Waiting for a sign from God? For one thing, I haven't reintroduced her to my family. It feels almost like starting over and so I feel like I should at least have my x-wife/fiancee jump through those hoops again rather than call and say, "guess what, we're married". I also would need to discuss that with my boys. They would need a heads up before I got married again.

The difficult part is the step family. It was the difficulty we encounted the first time around (coupled with an EA). It seemed easier when we were separated. And many days it's easy now. There are times though where I am just so frustrated with my step-kids. It's hard to step back and let my wife deal with it because I feel like they are walking all over her, treating her like a servant, and being disrespectful. She's actually very good to my kids, but they aren't essentially full time like her kids are. I don't know if she just bites her tongue or has learned to live with things. Anyway, we have talked about this and she really would prefer that she just handle her kids. Guess then that the problem is mainly mine if I can't live with that. My problem is mainly with my step-daughter and perhaps it's just being a teen. Plus she's emotionally more immature than that and has learning diffiulties and ADD. It makes it hard, but who she is. I do need to be more accepting of that. It's hard not to compare to your own kids, who obviously are seen in the most favorable light. \:\)

Did I ask a question? Guess not. Anyone have experience blending families? Anyone have no hang-ups living with their spouse, but concerns about being official married? Anyone have any book suggestions for step-families and also starting over? Anyone just want to say, "that was a very boring, vague, and mammoth post and I fell asleep just reading it"?