Then there is the issues with MrsHD. Can she ever get to the point of differentiation? That is a big question mark. I don’t think many people here believe that she can do that without some sort of realization break through of all the skeletons she is hiding in her closet. So short of that, what is the next best alternative?
MrsHD's issues are irrelevant here unless she starts posting on this board. What really matters is HD, how he reacts, and how he pursues his own differentiation...if that's something he wants.
Becoming more differentiated stresses the system (and your spouse). It can even force your spouse to change. In many of Schnarch's success stories, the lack of drive is linked to the fusion and the associated resentment one feels.
There's no guarantee that your spouses sex drive will change at all with an injection of differentiation. It all comes down to the "crucible"...you can't predict the outcomes in your spouse. Maybe they rise to the occasion and try to change themselves. Maybe they become increasingly more anxious and/or depressed. Maybe they finally realize they are gay and come out. Maybe they just leave.
If we perceive that our quality of life would be worse without our spouse, then we should be very judicious in the quest for differentiation and reflect carefully on our motivations.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
