Playing diplomat, negotiating, feeling out her H’s position, couching her comments to avoid hurt feelings… WAY TO GO!!!
If he made a comment 3 times, then that should tell you it is REALLY important to him. You do not have to agree with him, but it is EXTREMELY important that you validate what he says and how he feels. This sounds like a MAJOR issue that you two need to talk about sometime. My bet is that it has nothing to do with you leaving per se, but is an abandonment issue for him, just as your “threat” to leave is a control tactic meant to protect yourself. You don’t really want to leave. Be radically honest when you bring this issue up.
He has a valid concern with the commitment issue. But in the past, he's not been willing to define what being 'committed' means. It seems that now he is defining it as just being present with no talk of leaving. I can do that.
Does that surprise you? He has the same trauma you have. He is scared just like you. When he is hurt, he wants to run, but he runs into his shell. You run away. Same difference. Let him think his way is more committed. There’s plenty of time to talk about that later.
That statement is completely blowing off any real, valid concerns I have with our R and making it sound like I am a childish, whimsical brat.
I know this is how you feel. He may not realize that you take it this way. Then again, your interpretation of what he is saying is just that - an interpretation. Be careful with that. Assuming to know what the other person means cause a lot of your past problems.
Do you hear "When you don't get what you want or things don't go your way, you are ready to leave" as an attack? Maybe he is telling you this not to attack but to tell you that he feels controlled, powerless and scared, ya think?
Corri,
As an example, remember a few pages back on your very own thread when I gave Cobra a compliment and he sputtered and nearly fell over... but he liked it. \:\)
Wooahh! I did NOT nearly “fell over.” I tripped over something… skinned my knee.
