Thanks for all the support yesterday, guys. This truly is a rollercoaster. I haven't had an emotionally draining day like that in weeks. I've read DR, and I'm trying to put the techniques to use, I just feel like she's going to run the other way if I pull back too much. The MC told me last night that I had to give her time/space, not question her so much, etc. Basically the same things you guys are telling me! The MC pointed out that we had the most forward progress when she was borrowing DR, staying w/ her parent's, and having no contact with me for 2 days. Something to think about...
The more I read other threads the more I feel like this is an epidemic. I don't know if I have the strength to hang on and put all this effort into something that isn't guaranteed to work. She doesn't initiate talking about anything, she puts no effort into reading anything, and she just seems like she wants to let time wash this whole thing away. I'm trying not to control, but I feel rejected on a daily basis.
Should I completely disengage myself from the entire sitch, yet still try to DB? I guess what I mean is, look at her as a roommate for now, not bringing up anything related to "us"? Should I stop asking her to participate in going out on weekends, and let her ask me if she wants? I need to find the strength to look toward the end result, not the instant gratification of "talking", or hugging, or asking her to go to lunch w/ me, knowing that she doesn't want to...
Ok, so I was struggling with not calling her to go to lunch today, and I was pleasantly surprised when she called me! I went to a coffee shop near where we work, started reading a book the MC suggested we pick up ("Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You") and she called me and asked to meet me for lunch! Man does that give me a boost of positive energy!
I think we're living a mirrored life!!! But in reverse, my H is just like ur W!
My DBing C told me to stop initiating, even if its' hard, let my H start wondering, crawling out of his cave and missing these times together then he will initiate,,if it works!
I know how you feel,,,you try soooo hard for a couple of wks then NOTHING, damn is this working or not, i'm a bit impatient-4yrs w/o this site will do that to ya,,you want to just smack them over the head,,but you can't,,just patience for 2 more wks my new DBing C says! Keeping my fingers crossed! For both of us!
Last edited by Kim07; 02/27/0707:49 PM.
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
Thanks for the responses, guys. She said she would call me when she got out of work tonight, then she sees the MC by herself at 6:30. If I could just feel this way ALL THE TIME, I know I could do what I need to do and wait patiently for her to get through this. I know I must pull back and stop smothering her if I want this relationship to make it.
Keep the PMA up, but not because of her actions...you have to have it, even if you have to fake it.
For both of us!