He cannot get over the OW help us...

[Heartbroken]

Thanks!

I sent a quick email this morning calling him pet name we use and he responded the same. He called and I was in a meeting and playfully accused me of screening my calls!

I called him back and we talked fine and I asked if I could call him after my C session tonight so we can talk about how much contact we want/need from each other. He says he likes talking to me and it's not an obligation.

So you think I should continue the weekly shopping??? - my best friend and her H think I am crazy. Others cannot believe I helped him move. H sees me handling this move so fine and being so strong - he says it confuses him more because he sees the positive side of me. I cannot be an angry bitch (the one my sister -in-law says to become) at him I LOVE HIM TO MUCH and always will. I am just trying to be me...to be even better than I can be - but do I appear to be his doormat then? He mentioned doing dinner as a family a few nights a week and I am not sure - what if he is just stringing the kids and me along? I just cannot have all of our hopes dashed... I have been hurt to much and I want to spare them as much as I can...

[*KS*Chick*]

I'd do the dinner thing. S is hard enough - keep as much in tact as you can for your kids, especially if he's offering!

[lovelyolive]

Just wanted to point out the positive response you are already getting by backing off but still leaving the door open.. Do you see it??!! Good work

Heartbroken - You are going to appear to be a doormat to everyone outside of your situation. Those people have NO IDEA.. Keep your eye on your goal. Control how much YOU would like to see him. Shopping, Dinner...maybe not as much as he's suggesting but the amount YOU are comfortable with.

[*KS*Chick*]

I agree about the outside advice. Use the board - that's what we're here for. We are all working to save our marriages as well. Others, while they have good intentions, can offer bad advice for your sitch. They don't want to see you hurt, they want to see the hurt end sooner rather than later, but if the hurt you're enduring for a little while, leads to a positive later, isn't it worth it?

[Heartbroken]

I think I will tell him one night a week at the house - I cook it and one night with him at the apt. We can make it a family dinner/game night! You guys are the best. Today I have been the most upbeat since last week! PMA is the best way to be!

[*KS*Chick*]

Glad you've got good PMA today - makes the day go by easier.

[Heartbroken]

I have also realized today - I have to stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking, saying, opinionating and so on. But then I need to remember to stop telling the world my woes too.

I will do what I need to do for as long as I can do it. H is confused and I need to run with the confusion and show him how much he misses the nightly interactions with me, the kids, his dog, his wide screen TV with his wood burner in a toasty warm lower level vs. his boring cold apartment. He (or WE) built the home we are in and he lives for his house projects - he will go stir crazy in a 1 BR apt....

[*KS*Chick*]

HB - I normally tell people "it's going" and then leave it at that. Or up and down like a roller coaster, just depends on the day.

they don't need more info than that unless you're paying them for their advice!

[Heartbroken]

I got home from work last night and H was still working on shoveling the driveway (over an hour) he just can't let go of his house responsibilities. I suggested he stay for dinner since he was still there - he agreed. We ate and he had to run to the store and I went to see my C.

Saw C and gave her my 2 wk update. Him busted and moved out to an apt all in less than 2 weeks WOW talk about some serious drama.

C said we need to communicate daily and still try to do dinners with the kids. H agreed (he is so confused)so we will do one nite at the house and one nite at the apt and maybe we go out one night. I know I need to make these positive experiences.

C said not to avoid seeing him and to make all our contacts end in a positive so as to stop the wedge that we have pushed between us. She said if we want to shop for groceries together to go ahead - I think I will wait on this one not sure of it right now. She said he also has to see life w/o us and needs time alone to think.

I got home and went thru with H what the C said. We are not to tell D(12) about the girlfriend yet - to see how it plays out. I asked H if he told Ow that him and I had sex and he said no and asked if I was going to hold that over his head - I said no way I have taken the high road all along and will continue to do so. I told him I thought it was interesting that he lies to her as well as me - this makes me feel better for some odd reason.

Then this AM at the school parking lot I saw Ow. I made eye contact with her and she had the nerve to stare me down--F'in Bitch I mouthed to her (S was in back seat)and this ratteled me so bad I called H (big backslide I know) - he said he understood and knows I need to rant and be angry with him. He got me calmed down and we ended with things better but he ended it saying his coworker was calling (yeah right it probably was the Ow) I need to learn to end it before him and I was doing so well here.

The thing is - I was doing fine this morning, cried only a little, got myself ready and dealt with the kids and did not even think about calling him like I usually want to. And then the site of her just completely set me off -- nice way to get the morning mood set. This just all sucks big time. I hope things improve! Thanks for listening....

[lovelyolive]

I can't believe you had to see the OW. That just sucks!! I think I would have wanted to punch her out!

Other than that, it sounds like things may actually be simmering down a little bit for you. I hope you have a better rest of your day