Journaling: Yesterday the kids were home from school all day. Each time they called I asked if H was there yet. No. Finally, d11 asked to go to a friends and off she went. At 4 H called said he was in the driveway where is d11. I told her she was down the street at friends house. He asked that I call to have her come home. He wanted to spend time with her. He was upset she didn't want to spend the night with him and I tried to tell him that I encouraged her to but she is too stubborn. He of course did not believe me. I called d11 to go home and next thing I know she calls and says that H pulled away angry with her and she doesn't know why. She said he has been in such a bad mood lately and she didn't do anything. Now, he had all day to be at the house with the kids and doesn't show up until 4. Then gets mad. UGH
Well fast forward to c appt. When I arrived H looked like he##. He had his sad sack face on and was miserable. He handed me a check for his portion of car ins and home owners and I thanked him. No reply. He went in first with c on his own. I went in on my own a few minutes later. C wanted to know what we wanted out of C. H must of said that he wants his side of the story presented to the kids (which it has been and since s14 is still angry ....he doesn't think his side has been told). I told C that I wanted the blame and anger to stop as that is just pouring salt in the wounds.
When we got together the 3 of us, all hell broke out. C asked H if he still wanted D and H said yes. He asked H if he was still with MOW and H said yes. He then stated that since this has been going on since april that we need a custody agreement. He asked why we didn't have one already and H rewrote history and said that I wouldn't agree to his terms. Now he is wanting d11 monday nights and then one sunday/monday a month. I said that was the first I heard of this and didn't think that would be a problem. However, I don't think H realizes that this would stop him coming and going as he pleases when I am not home and he comes by to see d11.
I told C that I didn't want d11 around his new R right now because she has lost her family, best friend and I don't want her to become attached to this woman and if this R doesn't last...lose her too. I said that she and s14 were both in the guidance office at school dealing with issues from this situation on Friday and they have alot on their plates. H went nuts. Why didn't I tell him about guidance on Friday. I tried to explain that he never came by on saturday, was supposed to come by on sunday to see d11 and didn't and I didn't want to discuss this on the phone. He then lost his temper. Started yelling that he didn't come by on sunday because my father was there and he didn't want us ganging up on him. H said we are already ganging up on him and poisoning the kids against him (not true). He then said "your father is staying at my house and I pay the mortgage. I can't even come into my house." I then said ...you walked out of the house. That was your choice. I told him he could come when my father was there he wasn't going to do anything or say anything to him. He started swearing up and down.
Finally, once control had been regained by C, c said that we need to come together and "create our own story together for the kids" and we need to work through our open wounds together for the kids. He asked if we wanted to do this and H said "of course C, that's why I am here." I, however, asked for some time to think. After sitting in the office getting spewed on with anger and blame, I don't know if us sitting down together will work right now without H taking accountability for his actions. He just wants to blame and blame so that he looks justified and noone is mad at him.
So, I am not sure where I am today. I know I am angry. I feel like h is trying to say I poison the kids against him and nothing could be further from the truth. The fact that he still wants D is upsetting (especially with the week we had before the CC fiasco). I feel like I want to tell C that I can't go into C with h until H has C himself. He needs to own his end of this and deal with it. Not try to justify it. I think that only anger will result from us sitting down right now.
I feel like I have the craziest MLCer ever. He is so irrational and full of blame towards everyone (even s14 who he blames for taking d11 cell phone). I just feel like I need to move forward right now and really let him twist in the wind and going into c with him may only hurt at this juncture not help.
