URGENT! OW had an abortion, H miserable

[Doe]

Any of this is just our opinions - but mine is right with you imLIN. He is cake eating and he is basically blackmailing you Ourcrisis to give him all the time he "needs". How much time does it take to finish with someone? If you are going to do it - not long at all. If you can have both while you think about it - well quite a long time i should say. There is a place for DBing but sounds like you have already achieved a major aim through it - he admits he loves you more. Now its time to get tougher. Be nice but withdraw gracefully from the competition, cos that's what this is, you're being forced to compete (joke isn't it - you versus a moral free trollop).

Tell him as he feels you wanting him to come home and be a married man is pressure you are taking that pressure off by giving him to her, cos they deserve each other. Tell him you love him but will not be working on your relationship until he can guarantee there are only two of you in it, not three. Then go out and get a social life which he is NOT included in. I have been in your exact sitch and finally got to this point after many months of being nice and enabling him in his adultery, cos whether he's sleeping with her or not that's what it is. My guess from being there is that if he isn't now, he soon will be again if this contact continues. Plus take on board the more he sees her the deeper that fake bond gets. The more they get to be them against the world (or wife) the deeper they bond. You can knock that house of cards down by withdrawing from the competition. For me - this scared him to death and something he had been "unable" to do (cos it would hurt her! HA! Like i wasn't dying a little every day ) -ie finish with her definatively - suddenly became magically possible. I know it's scary - hell it's terrifying - but it's that or wait a LONG time while he dithers and your love for him is slowly diminished. Good luck!