I've been reading your posts, and I felt very happy for your breakthrough last week. I'm not feeling the rollercoaster that you seem to be riding, though.
How can you talk to H? Email seemed to work last week. Can you send an email to tell him a little of what you're thinking and feeling right now? You want change, and it's about d*mn time you got some, but he's very aware that you've filed. The truck is a big issue for him, but if I were in his shoes, I'd be wondering about the legalities hanging over the M.
I am not trying to say, "Drop the D filing." I am suggesting that he is at least as confused and scared and hopeful and uncertain as you are right now. But I don't believe that he has anything close to the level of communication skills related to these feelings that you have developed. I've never read anything in your posts to support that idea.
What you focus on expands. Do you see it expanding? Each of you has focused since last week on what's unchanged, on what the other has yet to do.
If you let him know what you want and need, what you need before you need other things, and if he can feel sure that you want to know what he wants and needs, you can make more progress. It took years to get to the point you were at ten days, two weeks ago. You did make a breakthrough, but that's only one of the many, large and small, that it will take over time to get on the road you want to travel with him.
You started the breakthrough in communication. Someone has to start the next one. It ain't "fair" if it's always you, but two (or even ten) times in a row isn't the same as "always" in a lifetime together.
Hang in there.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
