Oh wow! I can't believe it is now 3 years since I posted this. This just shows how screwed up marriages really can become. In 2004, I spent a lot of time reading books and articles, talking to close friends, talking to my husband, and trying to change things. Yikes...it is even worse now. I revealed to my husband about the unhappiness in our marriage - the lack of connection, the lack of spirit between us. I gave him books like the 5 love languages with passages highlighted and marked. We took several weekend trips to "talk" about things. I never did reveal the affair. It is a funny thing about affairs - everyone says they are so horrible...however, I think my affair honestly saved my life. The other man actually made me feel like a special person - you have to understand, although we had a physical affair, the majority was emotional because this was long-distance. To have someone actually TALK to me...I mean actually TALK to me, not through me...is very important to me. After a year or so of trying to work with my H it really has gotten to a point of acceptance. My H simply is not able to interact with me at my level. We are on completely diffent planes of life. His inner desire is to have someone to sit on a couch with and watch TV and be quiet and rub each others feet. (Really...he bakes chocolate chip cookies every week...like his mother). I on the other hand, dream about things like hiking the Appalachian trail when we retire and camping and trying new things like rock climbing and talking about all the fun exciting things we could do. I want to come home and see someone with excitement in their eyes who wants to be engaged in life. This is just NOT my husband. It is sad that for me to be fulfilled, I have to find other friends - even if we are talking about platonic friends, men or women, because my husband and I really do not have the same things in common. The thought of sitting around all day watching tv makes me sick. Unfortunately, the thought of laying in bed having sex with someone so dull also makes me cring.
And for those people who will say affairs are so horrible, my A is still going on somewhat...in a long distance way, I am still friends with the OM...we talk frequently about the things we have in common, and he really has no idea my M is so screwed up...I just can't part with someone who make me happy just through our conversations. When exciting things happen to me, I can't wait to tell him - he is genuinely happy for me, whereas my husband has absolutely no reaction to the same things. The OM is 100% committed to his own M, yet we just have a connection. The thing that pisses me off about people who criticize those who have affairs - sometimes there is an honest-to-goodness connection that is there...something that you can't deny, that might not be there in the M, and for me, 4 years has become an important relationship, as crucial to me as any other friendship I've had. For example, I was recently interviewed in a local paper - when I told the OM about it, he was like "WOW! That is totally awesome! I am so happy and excited for you - you are so cool". When my husband saw the article, he was like "hmmmm." That was it.
