Rob #7 - Night into Day (moving to Piecing)

[Jen_Jam]

Hi Rob

I've been thinking about this one for a few days....yes I know what you mean when you want W to "get with the program" cos it's been such a lifesaver for us...I mean DB has so much in it that's good for taking control of your own happiness, for making us better people...and yes we look at the WAS and think "if you want happiness I have just the recipe here".
But it doesn't work like that .. a recomitting WAS still won't believe that this can help them...I wonder if there is a WAS board out there that isn't full of people saying "you deserve to be happy, leave him!!!". I don't think so...which is a shame and when I see a WAS or potential WAS posting here I feel so much admiration for them.

I went through this too ..in Spetember, led to mild depression in Oct/Nov that was worked through with individual C. We haveall had a massive life shock and it's going to take time to get over. However, like when WAS was in WAS mode, we cannot "fix" them, all we can do is look at ourselves. In Piecing mode I think we (the LBS's) still have to be the model of DB'ing to SHOW the WAS how their life can be different. I used to say to H a lot of "general" comments, not directed at him AT ALL, along the lines of "many people in life aren't happy cos they look too much to external things" (this is just an example). fast forward a few months and H is more or less repeating that to someone else.

H IS "getting it" he IS trying, and your W will be the same. She's the one who left, remember, she has a longer history of unhappiness/confusion. I think it takes the WAS longer to get over this, us LBS's are back up on cloud 9 (OK, 5 or 6 some days) and raring to go...they are still stuck a little sitting in their own poop, but it's up to them to get out of it.

So,in summary....can I say the P word again? I know you don't like it when I do but Patience counts here. What also helped me was setting a few more goals, just to give me something SMALL to focus on rather than looking for the big "ILY I'M sorry, all our bad times are gone, let's go to bed right now and stay there all day".

Hope it helps .... I'm giving myself the rest of this YEAR to be piecing, to feel really 100% comfortable ...then after that, well I'm starting to believe the DB'ing never really stops, buta lot more of what I do now is more natural. I'm not such a whinging b-each anymore, now I STOP and THINK before I open my big mouth.