~~~ Thank you COG. Your kind words are once again a blessing to me. I am really feeling much different these days and I think my post on Friday was the last remnenets of the old scared and insecure me. Sure hse is still in here somewherew but the me I need to be is coming out little by little everyday. I do agree with you Drugs and stripclubs are a definite no~no. We have talked alot about theses things and he has a better handle on them and so maybe you are right he was just drunk but my mind was wandering far too too much. I just feel now like I need to let it go and if he wants to take himself to these depths and hurt himself he will do it alone b/c he knows I I am here for him and have told him he is too good to do these things to his body. I am sure one day he will get better and In the meantime I just need to get even stronger and get myself together.
I can say that I do feel sooo good today and that I went to wokout for at least two hours and I left believe it or not rejuvenated. I am really strating to lighten up and I can tell that if he is a little moody it does not affect me as much.
~ I feel so much better it is amazing to me I have not felt this good in years ~~~ it has been a long time. The other day my H blew my mind..... we had a little talk on friday afternoon and he told me to relax and not worry about him and that he loved me and missed me and he would never leave me or the kids and for me to stop worrying about him and start worrying about me. That was the same day I was very upset about his cell. I did not mention my worries. And it was amazing how he said such nice things to me.... I realized this weekend I always used to wish I could just be one of those women whos H was deliriously in love with them and they did not have to worry. And low and behold my H is deliriously in love with me and I do not have to worry I CHOOSE TO. Sure he has done things he shouldnt have but why do I have to punish myself for them. Cause that is exactly what I have been doing for years punishing myself and allowing myself to feel ugly or less than a WOMAN. Why should his bad behavior imprison me? I have been shackled to my pain and my self doubt for far too long. I do believe him going and just giving me a break and being brutally honest with me and of course my meds have helped me tremendously.How is me walking around sulking and feeling ugly or just being gaurded going to help him feel loved or help me in any way it has not and I hope I am well on my way to stopping this.
