Sorry. I was mostly responding to A's tone about "career women". He just spun off of your post in a different direction than the point you were making. I'm a little sensitive about it perhaps.
A,
The point I have often made to Cobra and I will make to you now is that the way we handle others (like people on this BB) can provide valuable clues about where we might be missing the boat with our S. Cobra is exactly the person you should relate best to because, like you, he doensn't feel a great deal of "love" for his W, he isn't looking for a return to an "ideal" time in their R, he is looking at forging something new altogether. A hard job. If that is what you want to do then you will have to identify some motivation greater than not wanting to share custody.
I have been through a D. I don't recommend it if you can avoid it. My perscription-addicted, ex-H who was either unemployed or employed in a series of low-pay, dead end jobs despite being the proud owner of an MD got JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY. The children primarily reside with me. He has standard visitation. In this state (MD)this is considered the normal custody arrangement. The children would have to be in imminent danger for him to have curtailed or supervised custody/visitation. It is only by his agreement that I was given "primary" residential status (he was trying to get himself together, he still is). He had been through rehab and was clean at the time of the D and if he had chosen to fight would have gotten 1/2 time custody. This is the "modern" way of divorce. Most states are similar. It is something to be aware of if you end up going that way.
A - if you don't see redeeming qualites in your W. Where will your motivation come from? If you can't let go of your own anger and work toward the future where will your motivation come from? It is ok to be mad. It is ok not to accept garbage from people. Just be careful that you don't automatically dicount things that people say because you don't like the way they said it. Develop ways to keep the messanger alive while you evaluate the message. Even if you do D your W you will have to communicate with her. You are (in effect)stuck with one another for the long haul regardless.
