I had the A, how to regain trust?

[LoginName]

Thanks UA,
It's good to get that perspective. It's really hard for me sometimes to get out of my own head and pain and try to see it from her point of view.

I remember something TL or GH told me early on. Don't worry about he OM, enjoy your W and accept what she can give. The OM isn't worrying about me, he's living in the moment and being happy. I think I need to act like that.

From my A (which, another thing I'm jealous of, wasn't as much fun as hers! ;-) I can look at the OW and think that yes she did do some things much better, she did give me some of what I needed when my W didn't, but I don't find my W lacking or even in competition. Maybe my W looks at OM and me the same way.

Although, this OM is a star. He is her first love from H.S., a lawyer, muscular, on and on. I can easily get myself down thinking about him. Also, he appears to be an honestly good person (except for sleeping with a married woman). He let her go when she needed to come home to kids.

One of my W's regrets and guilts is she thinks he and I could have been good friends, and we all could have been friends.

Fun is hard to come by right now - because we're broke and getting broker ;-) But we do have a little fun. I took her to my company holiday party, and she had a good time. I took her to test drive the car she wants (dreaming is free) and then talked her into having a beer with me. She had a good time. I took the family to the newest James Bond movie at the $1 theater, I think she had a good time. So I'm trying. Mainly, I need to remember that I can't compete with OM.

UA, you have been posting so much, I've not been able to keep up with you. I would love to have my W acting and feeling as you do. I think you'll be successful in the end (I better catch up with your sitch to make sure it's still going in the right direction!)

When I first chimed in on your posts, the initial reaction of the others was to disagree with me. I think, after better understanding your situation, they've all kind of come around to agreeing with us, right? Just curious.

I am committed, but maybe I should be instead. I don't understand why it's so hard for my W to say that she at least hopes she can fall in love with me again - but I tried to push and that was a mistake. I'll discuss that later today in my other thread.

thanks for your comments and support UA. There are some good people here. I hope I get to meet some of them some day, and I especially wish the best for you and all.