Yeah, I'm ok. Saturday marked 5 years of marriage for me - not exactly a celebration. We had a drink together. I put some candy around the house for her to find. She seemed to enjoy that, but everything seems tinged with negativity. I went out for a nice bike ride on Saturday. The bike path was covered in a sheet of ice (studded tires are amazing) so I got the whole path to myself. I did about 8 miles on it, alone with my thoughts, enjoying the wonders of nature. Loving life.
Whatis, if you're lurking, I read "Why Can't You Read My Mind" and I thought it was great. It really cuts to the chase that people perceive things that are different than reality, and if these judgments are internalized and become deeply ingrained beliefs, the relationship is VERY different for the two participants. My W routinely does have all 9 of the toxic thoughts mentioned in the book! If you've ever read Ellis' work ("A Guide to Rational Living" is a good one) you'll see that he refers to the "toxic thoughts" as irrational beliefs, or neurotic beliefs. It's really frustrating that the way my W thinks about life and also our relationship are not things that I can impact. Therefore I really have no control over the fate of the relationship. Right now she believes her labels to be true, she believes that her predictions are coming true, she believes in her black and white views, she believes that I should know how to act, I should know her better, she blames me for not knowing, and for all the wrong that has happened in the relationship, etc, etc, etc. I am going to ask her if she'll read the book and let me know her thoughts on it, but I don't have high hopes. I think she'll see it as me blaming her for the downfall of the relationship rather than an attempt to share something that has been useful and thought provoking for me. I'm not going to let that fear stop me from suggesting it, but it's still there.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
