I enjoyed reading your post. You speak as an awakened one. How long have you been connected with your spiritual being?
I first came here in 1999, I was full of fear and doubt. My XW's announcement that she wanted a seperation turned my world upside down. To me, it felt like the beginning of a slow death.
While in Church yesterday during our Pastors sermon, tears flowed down my cheek. What she had said struck a nerve inside of me and I felt very sad.
I spoke to my wife last night about my feelings while laying in bed. My wife lost her husband to cancer in 1997. It has been 10 years since his passing, and he is talked about amongst her children, my children and us with great love and appreciation for who he was. He was not a saint, but he was very well like and admired.
The point I'm trying to make is that with death, we openly talk about the spouse who has passed on with our children and family. With divorce, we avoid talking about the other spouse freely and with love and admiration. It seems at times it is almost taboo to broach the subject.
I think my children don't want to talk about their mom in my presence as they feel it my upset me. They may also feel it would be disrespectful to their mom to discuss things about her with me, the person she has so much anger and resentment towards.
We seem to live in this world where if we don't talk about it, everything will be allright. We supress our feelings and don't share them with one another. This simply leads to more ill feelings inside that we push down and bury in ourselves.
My children will quite possibly go through the same experiences with their marriage partners that their mother and I did. It's what they learned. What is learned is often played out in life.
All of us come to this board as we feel it is a safe place to share our inner most feelings. We tell each other things here that we are in great fear of sharing with those closest to us.
Why? Because of our own fear of rejection and possible abandonment. We to supress our emotional pain, just like our MLC spouse has done throughout their life.
All of us are wired to have affairs and a MLC. It is within each of us as we all have the same Creator.
There are a number of people who I have spoken with who felt that there was no way they could ever have an affair. It was their belief that having an affair was immoral and the worst thing a person could do. This is what all of them said, after they had had an affair.
Many people here believe there is no way they could ever do what their MLC spouse is doing. Yet, there will be some of you who will eventually experience your own MLC, if you haven;t already.
My XW told me, "how could you do this to me" when I told her about my many affairs. She felt that if I really loved her, I would have not done these awful things.
Well, my XW eventually had her own affairs. I'm not sure if they were physical affairs, but my belief is that there is not much difference between the two other than having sex.
An affair is still about one spouse spending time and energy with another person who they are attracted to, which takes away from the time and energy available for the spouse they are married to.
When I told my XW that they were one in the same during our seperation, she had this look of shock on her face. It was as if she was thinking, that can't be possible. If they are the same, than I am no different than you.
She is still in denial of this as far as I know. She has told my children that she met the man she is living with after we were seperated. This is not the truth.
The MLC spouse does live in their own distorted world. What they believe is their reality, even if we have a different reality.
