I don't know if anyone else on this BB has ever gone through an amicable divorce but I have to tell you so far for me it is quite a surreal experience. My H and I sort of instantly half reverted back to relating to each other as people the way we did 20 years ago when we were friends before we got married. We've been telling each other nice encouraging things about how this is a good choice for us. Then we get a bit sentimental and give each other hugs and vow to be friends and co-parents forever. Of course, I am handling all the paperwork etc., so in a weird way it kind of feels like getting a kid packed off to summer camp.
Although, to give my 2BXH some credit, he's being pretty pro-active for him. He pushed me to get the "talking to the kids about it" event over with because he knew that I was dreading it. Neither of the kids were at all upset. My son (18)said that he wasn't surprised. At the end of the discussion when I asked "Are you guys are okay? Is there anything you want to discuss?", my 6'2" fully bearded son said in falsetto sad 8 year old voice "Is it my fault? Do you still love me?" and cracked us all up. My D15 seemed distracted throughout the convo. She was kind of smiling and playing with her hair. She said she was surprised but she understood and was okay with it. Turns out that her primary concern for the day was whether her new bangs looked cute because her 6" something, fully bearded new boyfriend was coming to the house to introduce himself and take her out.
Both of my kids did come up to me independently and give me big hugs later in the day. They also independently made inquiries about the future of the food supply. My S came into the kitchen at one point and said "I guess this means more food for me.". To which I replied "I think this means that you'll have to take another step towards independent living since I'll be quite busy.". His reply was "Hmmm..I think I'll be getting fed. Got any chores for me to do?" followed by a sardonic chuckle. This of course semi-freaked me out with it's implication that I am obviously the kind of woman who has to be feeding someone.
My D went to the grocery store with me later in the day and she asked what I thought the meal arrangement would be. Since I was still a bit miffed with my son's comments I told her that I thought S18 would be eating fast food from now on and she and I would trade off cooking the kind of spicy ethnic food we both enjoy. She thought this was a great idea.
Later my 2BXH said to me "I suppose this means that you won't be packing my lunch for me.". I replied that I didn't think that it would be appropriate. He said "But it would be a nice thing to do.". He had bought himself cashews and jerky for lunch and told our S "I got to get into practice feeding myself.".
My MIL's reaction according to my H was to say "I'm sorry. I still want you and the kids to come to dinner on the 10th. Please tell Mojo that she's always welcome in my home.". My mother's reaction after a moment of faux concern was that she was absolutely delighted. She said "Don't hold this against me if you ever get back together but you are much better off without him. You've been carrying him for years.". My married sister (who knows about our sex problems) reaction was to say "You gotta move to Chicago. There are a lot of horny guys in this city.".
He's going to go look at some apartments on Wednesday and I'm going to file as soon as he has a new address.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
