No, I don't think about her too much anymore. The obsessiveness is fading and I no longer have that desire for "pay back" that I used to. It's a nice relief. That doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel hurt or sad about the whole thing, but I'm not going to sleep with it or waking up remembering that "it happened" and I have to somehow deal with it again for the day.
Even though I think I was a great wife before all this and still did "everything right," I am looking at how I might be an even better wife. Like I'm in the middle of one book about male female communication (her need for love and his for respect), and I'm also going through "For Women Only."
I've been really trying to figure out the best ways to show and express respect. I'm great at showing love (I'm always very loving and maternal to the people -- and pets! -- in my life), but I realize it has been more difficult to express respect since this has happened. There are many things I'm thankful to my husband for, and much I admire about him, but knowing the character flaws he has/had I find it harder to express my respect. I think Infidelity can deflate respect. It's easier to love than respect someone who has done this to you. I can't respect what he has done, but respect him for what he does now. So it's not just this general blanket respect, but a "tempered" one... does that make sense?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
