I'm Back

[InHisHands]

Hi Everyone. I know I said I was done, but I'm back and I think the piecing is real this time. My h is here with me as I'm typing this. He is truly a new man. He is everything I ever dreamed of. He's fun and funny and smart and caring and compassionate . . . I mean, he's back and better than ever!

Now I seem to be the problem. I can't get over everything. It feels like too much has happened. I've lost so much of myself. I don't even know how to describe it. I think he described it best when he said I'm just a shell of the person I was, just going through the motions.

I am so hurt to find out the whole story. I keep hearing his voice telling her he loves her. I keep seeing their hands and mouths on each other. I keep wondering "Did she do this with him?" or "Did he do that with her?" I feel like their emotional connection was way stronger than anything I ever had with him, so of course I'm jealous and comparing every conversation I had with the ones I imagine he had with her.

I don't want to leave him, but sometimes I feel like it's the only way I'll quit hurting. I don't want to wake up in his arms with her in my head any more. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to make all this go away so I can focus on now and appreciate who he is now. How can we build a future with this in our past?