Bizarre situation

[4ever_Regretful]

I'm starting to wonder if he'll ever come out of it. Seems too comfortable with things, although he has said that this whole thing is hard for him and is very stressful. 4-Ever, What made you realize that your marriage was important and that you didn't want to lose your H?

There were several things that made me realize.
I think it helped when I stopped contact with OM. Sorry that is not possible in your case. But also when I was involved with OM, I had all these illusions of how much better my life would be. But when I was truly given a chance to try it, H moved out, I didn't get back with OM, but I talked to him over the phone once in a while and discovered, it was not all I imagined it to be. It wasn't the great love I thought we had. I had an EA with him. H was working on living his separate life without me and he seemed to enjoy it. He didn't seem to want or need me. Also I was pregnant with DD and it made me think of what kind of family I wanted my DD to grow up in.

It also helped me to understand why I had the As. Your H may not be ready for that. Up until I learned from reading Surviving the Affairs, Not Just Friends, DB, and DR, I still believed I must not be in love with my H because I had the As. But when I finally understood, it became clear. I love my H, have always loved my H, but I made decisions and acted on them believing otherwise.

Your H may seem to be comfortable with the situation, but I believe him that it is hard on him and it is very stressful. He must still not be sure of what he wants. If he did, then it would not be hard or stressful because he can then cut the ties he knows he doesn't care for. With that, I say it is a good sign.

I didn't get angry but calmly told him that I would really have appreciated him telling me over a month ago when I first asked him to look after S for 3 days, rather than him agreeing but all this time not knowing what to say and then dropping this on me at the last minute. He seemed guilty.

You handled it marvelously; Got your point across without losing your cool. And yes! He should feel guilty.

I commented that if he had something planned then how come a little one could possibly fit in, was he just going to get someone else to babysit? He said not (and I believe him) but it makes me wonder what they have planned if a child could easily come along.

At least it is nothing romantic. And this will serve as a reminder to him that he has a family and this little arrangement with the OW may not work into it well.
And little issues such as this is good in jolting him into reassessing whether all of this is worth what he has with OW.
Just make sure you continue to be supportive of him.

I guess I have to stop thinking of all the things they are doing as it just messes up my head. I honestly thought that his child would be his number one priority - always. He did suggest that he come on Tues and collect S from childminder and also pick me up from the airport. I agreed and thanked him for suggesting it.

True. Your imagination will be worst than the truth. I have let mine get the best of me most of the time and it has only made things worst.
The fact that he is trying to make amends by picking you up at the airport shows he still cares about your view of him. That will work in your favor.

Later that evening before he went to work he sat and looked at me and told me he felt like a terrible father. I reassured him that he was a wonderful father but it was hard that he wasn't around much. We both had tears in our eyes. Anyway, before he left for work he hugged and kissed me on the lips - which is the first time since this whole thing began last summer.

I think it is great you are giving him the reassurance he needs. This will help him see you will be supportive and you two can be a team. Baby steps.