Well, after exchanging a few messages with Jen, I realized that I haven't been posting to my own thread because I've been feeling a bit down - and hoped that feeling would go away on its own. Hmmm, probably not the best strategy. So, anyways, here goes.
First, let me say that all is NOT gloom and doom. I'm struggling, I think, with a lot of the same issues that SD has been talking about in her thread. The crisis may be over, but there's still a big uphill climb in front of me.
W and I had a really great time on our cruise/vacation over the holidays - there was music in the air, the sun was shining, and we were constantly busy and engaged. Now we're back home, in the dreary blah days of winter, and in many ways it feels like we've both backslid some.
For my part, I feel like some of that fire and enthusiasm I had has died down - I threw myself into my DBing/GALing so strongly for so long, and now I'm "there" and I just feel mentally and physically exhausted a lot of the time.
For W's part, I feel a little bit of withdrawal as well. I think she's struggling with a lot of the same feelings - here we are, back to the same ol' sh!t of nagging D14 to do her homework, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, going to work, etc.
I also think my Valentine's Day gift has backfired on me. First, I got W a skimpy little thing from Victoria's Secret. She doesn't like it - her butt hangs out, she says. I'm thinking "This is a problem?! I love your butt!" Typical male pig, I guess, but sometimes it doesn't pay to try and overcome years of negative body image...
I also got her some, well, interesting massage oils and toys from Spenser's. This is all a little bit outside the realms of our past, relatively-vanilla sex life. I figured spicing things up, just a bit, was a great idea. However, W's reaction was more like horror than excitement. Anyways, to make a long story shorter, we haven't ML since she unwrapped all that stuff almost 2 weeks ago.
Now, I realize that if our love life is going to get more interesting, I'm going to need to be the one who initiates that change. OTOH, W has always wanted me to take more initiative, right...?
Which shows how this is just one example of what's REALLY bugging me here. Just like SD and other folks here in Piecing, I am struggling with wanting my spouse to "get with the program". I want W to do more than just sit there and wait for me to continue improving things for both of us, I want her to dive in and work on it full tilt as well!
And the dumb thing is, I know from all my DBing experience exactly how much it DOESN'T work that way. Come on - here I am, gauging my own feelings of happiness and success off of what my SPOUSE does or doesn't do!!! Geez, haven't I learned ANYTHING?!
The answer is, I do get it - I'm just struggling with it. I believe there's an unrealistic expectation that gets set in our heads - once our spouse chooses to stay with us, everything will change for the better. In a big way, of course it does, but it's also true that an awful lot of it stays the same - still improving with one baby step after another, rather than some sort of magical transformation into Happily Ever After.
So here I am, back in DB Land, continuing down the long and winding road. Is there an "end" to the road? These days, I don't think so - as they say, it's the journey that matters, not the destination. I'm going to make it a terrific one, filled once again with confidence and enthusiasm.
Rob
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
