Still beating your chest, I see? Hmmm… boy, you sound really scary, uuooohh, shudder, quake… whatever! No wonder your wife ignores you and wants out. You sound like a bully. How tough will you be when she has the law on her side? The fact of the matter is that she will probably have a slam dunk case against you for child custody. You will get visitation rights and some say over guardianship issues. Even though she earns more than you, you will still have to pay some level of child support. It doesn’t sound good does it? Cold day in hell or not, you better ask yourself how tough you can really be when the constable shows up at your door to enforce the court order. Whether its fair or not, whether it sucks or not, whether it screws the dads or not, that’s the way it is, and not even almighty you can change it. So if you don’t like the reality of all this, maybe you better get a grip and start using your brain, rather than your brawn.
My wife in her current state has no redeeming qualities.
Fair enough. I felt like that toward my wife too. However if you would take the time to educate yourself a little, you will find that your statement is based on all emotion, both yours and hers. You don’t care about her, she doesn’t care about you. You get angry, she wants to escape. You don’t like her solution and I pretty sure she doesn’t like yours.
So what are you going to do, tough guy? Yell a little louder, intimidate a little more, become a bigger bully? That would be a smart move, especially since she has a lawyer now. That would probably eliminate all hopes of having any visitation rights with your kids. You are between a rock and a hard place and the laws a designed to control people like you. There is only one way out and you know it. Become a different person.
You seem to think you are a smart person. Are you? You want your kids, right? You want to get as much from the divorce as you can right? You want some VENGEANCE, right? How are you going to do that? You still have to convince the court that your story warrants you being awarded what you want. Are you going to yell and intimidate the judge? You did say you are smart. Don’t you think showing yourself as a rationale, compassionate, loving, caring, devoted father would present the best case for you? Don’t you think the judge has been around the block a few times and has seen plenty of angry fathers? Don’t you think he will be looking for the same signs in you, and stories about you? You’re smart, right?
Why would you want her to change and become an adult, why would you want her to develop “the maturity, strength, or character to bring about change in herself?” that would only help her case. If she is childish, immature, uncaring, then let her be. It will play into your case later. Just worry about changing you. Now that’s smart, don’t you think? You will have the upper hand and ragain the power, especially in the eyes of the court. Let her show herself as the cold, angry, selfish woman trying to breakup the family.
It takes an adult who's comfortable with his/her self, recognizes the fact that they are not perfect, have never been perfect, will never be perfect, and that they can and will make mistakes--they have to allow themselves to make mistakes, to recognize their faults, to accept who they are and who they want to become.
Agreed. Can YOU do it? Remember, think smart. Don’t go stupid on me now.
As I stated earlier, I will be a better person on the other side of this regardless of what happens with my marriage.
Not if you don’t change. You will be a father without a family and limited visitation rights. If you think that is better, then think again.
I also know that I will not go back to what we've had over the last several years which means that we're both going to have to change.
Nope, just you have to change.
…but I don't believe that another man (should my wife and I divorce and she were to remarry) needs or should be allowed to spend as much time (or many times, more time once the courts make a decision)with my son as I'm allowed. No other man can teach my son what I know and think is important in life.
It doesn’t matter what you believe. Once you divorce, she can allow any man she wants into her life and your son’s life too. If she allows, that man will teach your son whatever he likes, whether it agrees with your views or not. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it! That wouldn’t be smart, don’t you think?
This legal "no fault" divorce process is a complete disaster in my opinion.….
Ok, Ok, did you get it out of your system? Do you feel better now? Stop whining and complaining and start to do something.
As you can see Karen, I'm not at all for divorcing, possibly loseing my son (as in not possibly having him in my house all the time), and breaking my family apart over my wife's "feelings".
So how important is this to you? What price are you willing to pay for it? I bet you would pay $20,000 to change your wife, if it could be done. But I bet you wouldn’t pay $10 to change yourself. Did you get anything out of individual counseling at all, or were you just trying to convince the counselor that you are right and your wife is wrong. Maybe you couldn’t get than stupid headshrinker to see things your way so you dumped him/her and came to this board to seek justification. It doesn’t look like that was too smart of a move either.
I have feelings too, and hers aren't any more important or valueable than mine are.
That is the only true and smart thing you have said so far.
