Same ol', same ol'

[LoginName]

TL,
So glad in a way to see you back. It would be great if you were so happy that you had no time to spend here, except maybe to help others.

I'm Kirby, and you took me under your care and really helped me. I've missed you and your advice, but probably needed to be weened a bit too.

My W is still living with me, and it's still a struggle, but I feel I'm getting stronger overtime. As for the issue you face, maybe it's common. I know I don't want to go back to the passionless, roommate type R I had, and neither does my W. (although much of the time I would agree to any type of R, just to have her really back - although I know the same issues would probably drive us apart again - maybe after the kids leave the house).

Anyway. If you find a way to beat this trap, please, let us all know. If I may be so bold to suggest some things, maybe the issues are pride (we fought for our M, we are the good ones), anger (she owes me now), resentment (she made me give up so many things and do so many things I didn't want to do, is it worth it) fear and trust(she could do it again, how can I trust) and the list goes on. I think we are all human and have to have some of these feelings and thoughts. Maybe these stand in the way of intimacy and passion.

In my case, my wife and I started living as good roommates a long time ago, the A and WAW and MLC (?) may be secondary to that issue. We don't want to go back to that kind of life. The trick is, I want us both to commit to our relationship and then work on the intimacy and passion, while she doesn't know if she wants to even work on it.

I've got to believe that none of us have to 'settle' and accept the lack of passion. Sure, we're not teenagers and not infatuated. Love, mature love is different. But we want, need, deserve, more in a relationship than a kind friend.

I'm eager to try to build a great R with my W, and hope I get the chance. Thanks to you and others, I can survive and be happy even if I don't get the chance. I think I could work on the passion part for years if need be, although not forever. So again, if I maybe so bold, maybe patience is the answer. Maybe after a couple of years of being friends again, some counseling, some GAL and soul searching, the intimacy and passion and trust comes back. Don't give up hope for the kind of R you, and I'm guessing your W, want.

Your kids are OK? Is the herpes scare over or manageable (did I remember that right?)? Have you been able to manage your anger about that?

Good luck, glad to see you're back.