Afterall....This IS my Life III

[heatherg]

Hotlips had sex with Hawkeyes and Heather had sex with her H. Last night. How the heck did you guess Corri?! It was a really, really hard decision.....he was being very persistent. I told him I wanted to but that there were still too many unknowns. Later on he said "I do love you, you know". That was it. There was no other way to express myself at that moment than to ML to him.

Yeah, I do need to regain equilibrium. I am telling you I've never been on a roller coaster ride quite like this one you guys. H loved the email, he said it made him feel wanted. He mentioned me selling my truck not once, but twice. The first time he asked if I was doing it because he got a new vehicle. I said no and explained that I had a feeling he would think that and that I know the timing seems suspicious. But I explained the kind of loss I'm taking, maybe around $7k if I end up having to trade it in and it's pretty clear I would not take that kind of loss just to get a new car when I could walk away from this lease in 2 yrs without owing a dime. I'm a CPA, I'm smarter than that, so he believes me. Later on, he said again sort of in disbelief, 'so you're really gonna sell your truck?' I said yes. He said 'that's good'.
He told me he wished I could come with them to Baltimore and I said I wished I could too and I thanked him for telling me that (his parents already planned to ride with H, so there is no room in his truck....which is actually really good because going would not have been a good idea at this juncture even though I would have loved to).
From the moment he walked in the door last night, he was talkative to me, touching me, sitting by me. It was wild. S6 was in MY lap and D4 was next to me and H was holding my feet. That is SOOO crazy because usually it is me on the 'outside looking in'. Then when we read to S6 last night, S6 sits in the chair, I usually sit on the stool and H usually lays in the bed with his chin on the armrest of the chair. H said, there's room for you here Mommy and he patted the bed next to him. That's just crazy talk....usually he would always invite S6 to lie next to him, not me. I have no idea if he was aware he was doing these things or not, but it was sooooooo what I needed so I told him. I told him that he did several things that made me feel more like his wife than I had felt in years and I told him specifically what he did that made me feel that way.
We talked about spending more time together-he explained his views on the importance of family time and I agreed but I also said we need us time too. It was a good discussion as he said there would be time for that later when the kids get older and don't WANT to be with us...I validated that. I said we just have to make sure that we protect our time together, that we remember to make each other feel like we're a priority in the others' life....people drift apart if they don't do that....there was a lot said but in the end he was trying to think of ways we could fit it in. I said we'd figure it out.

We slept in the living room, on the couch, with me in his arms. Sleeping on the couch didn't seem so odd since the living room is where we had sex (sorry if that's TMI). However, I have no clue what I'm going to do about communicating my needs with the sleeping arrangements and I also want him to put his wedding band back on. I said I wouldn't make demands. I have no idea how the heck I am going to balance stating my needs without him perceiving that I am making demands. Guys, I can't go back to sleeping on the couch, I just can't so please don't say I should just go with the flow. If I do that, we'll end up back to thoughts of separation within 6 mos.

From the moment I woke up, my anxiety level was up. I was watching H, looking for signs that sex was all he wanted, signs that he would be treating me differently today than he did yesterday. At the moment, I'm so relieved he's gone. I need to regroup.

I'm going to take a shower, get my nails done-all 20 of them, buy the book NOPS suggested and the Dr. Laura book and come home and take a nap b/c H and I were up til I don't even know when. This day alone is exactly what I needed in order to process what happened last night. What a shock, an absolute shock. I'm in amazement at his change of attitude and it's going to be really hard to not just bask in the sun of all of this....but I know there is work to be done and I must come up with a plan.
So, out to get my books I go.

PS, GEL, it was wonderful to see you post, thanks! GGB, thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out while I'm at the bookstore today.

Thank you again for all of your support.