He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

Yep, went to see CATS last night and had a really good time.

It did hit me later, after I was home again, that this was the first major fun, out of the ordinary thing I've really done since H left. Felt really strange. On the one hand, I was proud of myself for having had what's probably my first real moment of detachment, but then on the other hand it didn't really feel right, because it kinda felt like I was leaving him behind.

But overall, yes I did have a really good night. After the show, my friend and I came back to my place and had some of the mango cheesecake I made. I ended up making it at 2am the night before! It was after I'd gotten home from my b'day dinner, and by the time I decided to start making it, it must have been close to midnight. Made the crust of the cake and left it to set in the fridge while I came to muck around on the computer for a while. Next thing I knew it was 2am, and I thought, "Hmmm, better get back to making that cake!"

So it was 2am, I was still slightly drunk from dinner, and there I am with a bowl full of cheesecake batter, mixing it with the electric beaters, which were causing little bits of cheesecake to fly all over the place! Got it all over the bench and all over my pjs. It was so much fun, and I was laughing as the bits of cheesecake went flying everywhere. I'm sure that if anyone had seen me, splattered with cheesecake, dancing to the music on the radio, and laughing, that they would have thought I'd lost my mind, but damn it was fun!

I'd been considering making a bold move tonight. The football team we support is playing a pre-season trial match, and I'm quite sure that H will be going. I've been to the ground where the game will be several times before with H. It's a pretty small place, and the setup is such that the area with the food is set up in one back corner of the ground. I had half a mind to go along and sit down near that corner so that when H, (possibly with OW in tow) would inevitably go to buy food, he wouldn't be able to not see me, and I'd be able to just ignore him or happily wave and smile.....

Pros:
* One of his complaints about our R is that he always felt like he had to be the one organising things whenever we'd go out anywhere. So going along without him to a place we'd previously always gone together would show him that I'm quite capable of organising it myself.
* It'd also show him that he can't necessarily ignore me for the rest of his life, because there will be times at the football when we're both gonna be in the same place at the same time.

Cons:
* He'd know that I'd know that he'd be there, so might get pissed off that I'm trying to stalk him or something.
* Much as I'd like confirmation as to who OW is, do I really want to risk finding out by seeing him walk past me hand in hand with her?

So it's a matter of weighing the pros of making a point to him, with the cons, which could turn out to be rather upsetting. So I ultimately decided not to go. Hope that's the right decision. I kinda feel like I really should seize the opportunity to prove to him that I'm able to go to this game without him, but I just don't know how he'll take it. Another thing is that not going kinda makes me feel like he's bullied me into submission, like he's claimed this football ground as his turf and I'm too aprehensive to set foot on it. So I kinda wanna just stand up for myself and go. Deciding whether or not to go to a football game should not be this complicated! Someone slap some sense into me, please!

The football team that H and my brother (and his girlfriend) play on has made the finals of the comp they're in. I'm really hoping they make the grand final, because that's a game I will go to. Mum actually said that if they make the grand final that we should all go along to cheer for my brother and his girlfriend. So everyone keep your *fingers crossed* for me that they make the grand final!