Suspicion confirmed

[Ophelia]

The sadness comes and goes but I feel such a loss of respect for him these days that the love I felt I still had for him is being squashed daily.

I can relate to that. It really is hard to respect someone who is behaving so immaturely. The way I look at it is that this guy who is messing around, and having an A, and being callous towards me, he isn't my real H. In his own mind he's perfectly happy and free right now, but I believe there's a better man hiding in there somewhere, still waiting to be discovered. I can only hope that once H has gone through his journey/crisis/whatever you wanna call it, that he realises he can be a decent man again and that he's worthy of trying. And I'm also hoping that when that happens, that he'll welcome me back into his life.

I find it cowardly that he can call me and lose it on the phone and then e-mail his seemingly lawyer scripted apology. I so want to reply telling him he's made sure that I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth, good, bad or ugly. But I think that "silence is golden" and am aiming to bite my tongue. Any thoughts?

Yeah, try to bite your tongue, (or fingers, if you're "talking" via email) and not give him any more ammo to keep the fight going. I totally understand what you're saying about it seeming cowardly. My H seems to be able to talk about me with pretty much everyone else, except me. I had to hear it from one of our friends that H said he wanted to cut off all contact with me completely. I just don't think they know any other way to handle it. They're hurting so much, and they know they're hurting us so much that the easiest option is to run and avoid contact, which just ends up making things so much worse. What I wouldn't give to be able to have a calm, rational conversation with my H one of these days!

I hope the March 6th meeting goes well, (as well as can be expected anyway, all things considered). Try not to lose it, even if he does. He can't keep dueling with you if you don't bite back.