Did you imagine/suspect that your H felt this way... that he was turned on by your pulling away making it necessary for him to "pursue"-- or is this a complete surprise?
Not to discount where you are at-- but I think he gets some credit for even revealing a turn on. The guys I've known aren't to free with that info.
Yeah, it's tough responding to intimacy which makes you uncomfortable. When I was "schnarching" my H he revealed a fantasy that had me playing snarling, rabid lioness to his puppy dog/monkey in a way that really, really stretched my limits. I had to think about it for a whole day before I could do it (as opposed to my usual 3.5 minutes-LOL). I'm sure you'll come up with something. The thing to keep in mind is that you are just "playing". Fantasy play doesn't need to impact your real life loving relationship if you are differentiated enough to separate the two. I knew a happily married couple who in real life were mild mannered nerds but were totally into S&M in bed. Sometimes people want/need to play sexually with roles that are denied to them or the opposite of what they need/want in real life. It doesn't have to be any scarier than the play that you did as a child if your real relationship is solid. Although, as you well know, it is sometimes easier to reveal yourself in this way to the "stranger in the alley" than a person whose opinion you care about or whose support you need.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I told him I needed a little space and that we could discuss things later. He persisted, and I was pushing him away. Then, in the middle of all this, he tells me he's turned on.
Did you mean you literally were pushing him away? Using your hands or whatever? I don't think it's weird that he likes the pursuit part, maybe even an aggressive pursuit. And good for him for being honest about it. I'd role with it and "play" as Corri stated.
I guess the kind of play H is looking for is to be the bad boy monkey who goes up against the bitchy lioness. For awhile now, he's been playing the in charge bull to my passive bunny. ( I am sure the only one following this is MJ.)
BTW, this whole animal thing reminds me of the Chinese Zodiac. When the kids were small, we played this family game where everyone personified the animal of their bith year, and we went around chasing one another. For the record, I was a tiger, my husband a cow, my daughter a monkey and my son a dog. Leave it to MJ to now sexualize this innocent game.
Mr. NJ got teased to death last nite,lol.
LFL, yes I did need to physically push him away because he followed me into the room when I was trying to declare my space. So I was attempting to push him out,lol.
Lil, no, this fantasy didn't really surprise me... I think there's some psych dynamic with him that wants to be the punished little boy. He can be OCDish and is hard on himself when he gives into impulses. His attempt to have perfect self control results in impulsive behavior. Enacting this struggle turns him on, I suppose.
I guess the kind of play H is looking for is to be the bad boy monkey who goes up against the bitchy lioness. For awhile now, he's been playing the in charge bull to my passive bunny. ( I am sure the only one following this is MJ.)
LOL! My eyes glazed over when I hit the word monkey.
GGB...Taking a time-out here from the joking to say that the men ( and women) here are quite a decent crew, working so hard to unlock the mystery of their relationships, and helping others to do the same.
Yeah, we are That's what keeps me coming back. Can't believe I've been hangin around here for almost 3 years now. What a difference this crew has made in my R with MrsGGB though.
That's what keeps me coming back. Can't believe I've been hangin around here for almost 3 years now. What a difference this crew has made in my R with MrsGGB though.